Society loves to clear things up for us “simple folk” by structuring life into distinctive binaries. Little caves that we can choose, or are chosen, for us to live in. You are a man or a woman (sorry transgender and hermaphrodites, you’re not mentioned). Black or white (never mind the various shades out there). Rich or poor (middle class? Nonsense). Educated, non-educated. Fat, skinny. Pretty, ugly. Conservative, liberal. Historically, there is typically a “better” side of the binary. Skinny people are better than fat. Men are better than women. Educated people are better than non-educated. The Earth is flat. And we are surrounded by ignorant fools.
Cue my personal binary: Gay, straight.
Dick or pussy.
Penis versus vagina.
Throbbing membrane in a battle against the wet snatch.
So, I have to choose?
My history of intimacy with a man would label me as straight. I’ve only been with one person, a man. I’ve seen penis. Stroked penis. Ridden penis. Sucked penis. And I enjoyed myself. Obviously, I want the cock, clearly there is no other option right? Wrong. There are ways to work around not actually having a penis nearby. My vibrator for example, a wondrous little thing, though admittedly, I want a bigger one. And oral, is simply fantastic. I’ve never been the boy crazy type, I cannot relate to the gasp that occurs when a sexy man enters the room, unless he’s exceptionally pretty. Where I live there’s mostly dirty hippies and hipsters, there are very few gorgeous men.
Then there’s my undeniable attraction to women. Women are beautiful. And I’m not talking in just a “Aw she’s pretty,” or “I love her dress,” or “Her hair is epic.” I’m talking about a sexual attraction to women. Over time this is becoming more and more apparent to me and I would really like to experience what I’m feeling. Problem is, I’m a bad gay, I have no experience in this department beyond making out with friends at parties. And all my friends are straight, bi with boyfriends, or lesbians that are my best friends and I would never consider dating. But, oh, I would love to meet someone. A hot blond perhaps, I’ve always had a thing for blonds.
There in lies the gray area. The almighty, I DON’T FIT WITHIN YOUR SOCIETY BOUNDARIES. The WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE ONE OR THE OTHER? The world is not black and white. The world is various shades of gray. Gloria Anzaldua wrote an essay on binaries, discussing how the margins and in between areas (what she calls the neplantla) is where the power is, where your perspective changes. People are commonly attached to their binaries and fear the in between because those people challenge or make them uncomfortable. They now have power, they dare to defy the system.
It’s silly to think that everyone is going to conform to such simplified concepts and choices. It’s ridiculous that everyone has to be thrown into a label, that we can’t just be ourselves and it’s okay. That I can’t just be Sarah. I have to either be, Sarah the rebel child, or Sarah the angelic pastor’s kid. I have to be straight or gay. I can’t be somewhere in the middle of the sexuality prism spectrum, or more simply put, a sexual human being. That my gay side might not exist because I haven’t actually had sex with a woman. Do I have to be with a man to be straight? Or a woman to be gay? So why do I have to have experience with both to make my bisexuality legitimate?