Of the Day I Meet Jimmy Fallon

Jimmy Fallon

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Me

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Someday I will meet Jimmy Fallon.

I must, for he is on my favorite people list.  That list is not easy to get onto, it rarely includes more than five people at a time and consists of my best buddies (you know who you are) and Jimmy Fallon. He’s married, I’m not going to try to date the guy – he clearly loves his wife, Nancy. Though, I will admit I have had a crush on him since he was on SNL and have watched 80% of Late Night With Jimmy Fallon.

On the day when I meet Jimmy Fallon I will not give away how star struck I am. In fact, I will appear calm and causal; but funny and witty as hell. I cannot express how witty I will be. I’ll be so damn witty that he’ll think, this girl should work for me. Of course, he won’t mention the employment right off the bat, but after a while, perhaps while bonding over a cup of coffee, he’ll say, “You know, I think you’d be a great addition to the writers of Late Night.” An offer I will happily and humbly accept.

But before that cup of coffee I’ll be walking along the streets of New York City. Looking for a nice bar to go to for drinks after my shitty minimum wage movie theater shift that I worked after my entry-level publishing position. I’ll order an overpriced lemon drop martini and take a seat at the bar. Sure enough, Jimmy Fallon and some buddies will come walking through the door.

Considering that I’m not a very observant person, at first I won’t notice. Suddenly, Jimmy Fallon will be standing next to me at the bar, waiting to order a beer. Being that he’s the nicest guy in Hollywood (so says Jane Lynch and whole slew of other people), he’ll introduce himself. Since I’m not a creeper and I’m super awesome from the moment I say hello, he’ll invite me to have drinks with his buddies. Apparently one is single and I caught their eye.

We will laugh, drink, exchange phone numbers, and become best buddies. His wife will like me too and we’ll go on shopping dates together. And through him I’ll meet The Roots, after one of their shows, and we will quickly become party buddies.

Someday, I will meet Jimmy Fallon.

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