Of Stupid People and Lovely Persons

Big Band Theory

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People suck. They come in mobs, they make poor decisions, and they are highly self-centered. Masses of people annoy me – that’s no secret. I don’t like dealing with obnoxious teenagers making out in the hall, whinny grandparents complaining about us young folk, bad parents that let their kids run wild screaming, gossipy individuals who slander those I love or loathe, politically obsessed people convinced that the world is going to hell, nosy coworkers, blah, blah, blah.

I especially hate when people slow me down – literally. I’m a naturally fast walker, I tend to weave around others as if they were puddles and I don’t want to get me feet wet. I’ve noticed that large masses of people tend to spread out and walk as slow as humanly possible. They seem to be completely unaware of their surroundings as I walk about a foot behind them giving my clear, “MOVE FASTER! I’m not afraid to tailgate you on foot,” signal. But no, they giggle and take their time. At the first chance I get I’ll pass them and resume my natural pace. Trust me, just saying, “excuse me” doesn’t always work.

Dane Cook has a joke about how you know you hate your job when you get mad at people for coming into your business. Now, I don’t hate my job, I love most of my co-workers some of us are even outside of work buddies. But if I’m working with a fun crew, I do hate when people come into my work. I enjoy getting paid to socialize and I don’t appreciate all these human beings coming in and ruining my fun with their gluttony, rudeness, and stupidity. Yes, when people come to the movies they tend to check their brain at the door and thus can’t understand the simplest notion. I hate dealing with stupid people, I hate dealing with the guy that always says I look disheveled or tired (he always wears a cowboy hat and you can see his nipples through his sweater, I never say anything), I hate dealing whinny people who blame me for the price of their high calorie snack – as if I can do something about it. And I hate when people treat me without any respect, especially when I know I’m smarter than them.

Persons, or individuals as they are more commonly called, I love them. I greatly enjoy socializing with person’s. Granted there are some that are more fun than others, but ultimately even the most annoying person is better than masses of families littered with small children. I even have a person’s list, it’s a semi-permanent list and consists of the most important people currently in my life, sans family. It rarely RARELY contains more than five person’s.

These are people that I love, that make me laugh, that don’t make me want to punch them. If I were in elementary school I would call them my best friend’s (of course back then you’re only allowed one best friend – silly). Even so, if these person’s were in the pile of people who slowed me down when I was trying to get from point A to point B, or came to my work and took FOREVER ordering when I had a backed up line – temporarily they would qualify as people and thus would irritate me for that moment in time.

As I said, people drive me crazy sometimes, but I always will love my person’s – you know who you are *winky face.*

Comedian

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4 thoughts on “Of Stupid People and Lovely Persons

  1. i don’t mind walking around people… i get pissed off when people just keep walking behind me without passing and i have to listen up-close to their dumb conversation while pretending to not be listening to their dumb fucking conversation.

  2. mob hate and individual love seems to be pretty damn common nowadays. not many people who actually enjoy large masses of pepople.

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