Of Swimsuit Shopping

Kate Upton Sports Illustrated

Honey, I think you need a bigger size. (Click image to view source).

The last time I went swimsuit shopping, like I need to find a suit pronto style, was back in high school. I’m going to guess I was eighteen (I’m currently twenty-three, you do the math). I bought a basic blue two piece for probably about $24. The next swimsuit I acquired was on a whim. I was twenty-years-old and it was on sale for $3, that’s right, I bought a decent string bikini for three bucks. That’s a steal if I’ve ever seen one.

This evening I ventured out in search of a swimsuit for my day at Wild Waves tomorrow. Purely because I was too lazy to make the 25 minute drive from my parents house to my apartment. I thought, it might be kind of nice to have a new suit. No longer interested in that itsy-bitsy-teenie-weenie-yellow-polka-dot-bikini, I wanted something old-fashioned and classy. Ideally like something you might see in a movie from the 1950s.

50s Swimsui

Click image to view source.

I had a shocking revelation. Swimsuits are expensive!!!

Even the shitty ones made of thin nearly see through fabrics and cover maybe three inches of skin. The average swimsuit (regardless of quality) seems to cost about $40. I couldn’t believe it, for a moment I thought about backing out of the day trip tomorrow. I also debated forking out the $20 in gas that it would take to get to my apartment and back. If my mom hadn’t been with me I probably would have backed down, fearful of the expensive prices.

I tried on several suits. What I found is that swimsuit bottoms are incredibly lame. Most of the tops I tried on were cute, but paired with a bottom I instantly looked wide and disproportionate. No wonder women feel insecure about their bodies – all the swimsuits are designed to make us look awkward. I blame the current obsession with showing as much skin as possible at the beach. It’s made for the unfortunate truth that the bottoms don’t rise to a natural place on the body. They end up being somewhere between crotch level and the hip. If they actually reached the hip (or even the waist if the brand was going for the vintage look) I guarantee girls would look prettier in swimsuits.

There was one I did love though. It was pink and rather dress-like. I was almost hesitant to try it on because I knew my friends would get a kick out of me walking around in a swim dress. But you know what? It’s adorable. I looked sexier in this despite that it’s a very modest piece of swimwear – sorry folks, but my ass will not be hanging out for you to gawk at. I felt classic, like I was living in a different time. Who cares if I’ll be the only one in a swim dress. Since when has something like that stopped me? (Um, actually it last stopped me in 2007, fyi). Here, I’ll put a picture below:

Pink Swim Dress

Click image to view source.

After much panicking over the cost, and my mom convincing me that it’s actually a good price for a nice quality suit, I ended up spending $50 dollars. To make things better my mom bought me an awesome floppy sun hat, which I fully intend to wear.

For $10 more than it would cost me to get a bikini – I’ll be a classy broad at the water park.

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