Of “Accidents” in Bed

Pitch Perfect Meme

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I would like to declare that there is no such thing as an accidental hook up, or just happening to make out with someone, or even magically holding hands. Someone makes a move. Someone has to. Even in a blackout drunk situation at least one person has to think, this is a good idea, I’m gonna go for it, for any sort of physical action to take place. “It takes two to tango” is a cliché for a reason, but no tango has ever started without someone asking for a dance.

And I would know, I’ve thrown my fair share of drunken, half-naked, make-out parties, and I’ve never once accidentally made out with anyone – one of us always went in for the kiss. Truthfully, I’m usually the initiator, but that’s not really relevant. I mean, the point is that I decided to make physical contact. Me. I didn’t slip on a bar of soap and end up naked in some chick’s bed.

Still, quite often I hear, “I don’t know man, it just happened. One minute we’re hanging out and the next we’re making out.” No, no. it doesn’t work that way. What really happened is that you were hanging out and one of you kissed the other, and they willingly accepted the offer.

When people start talking about accidental sex (not rape, that’s different), I find that even more baffling. I mean, you took your clothes off, or allowed someone else to undress you. You didn’t slip and as you fell, the universe tore off your outfit, leaving you stark naked and ready to go. It just doesn’t make sense. As far as I can tell, using words like accident, just happened, oops, I was drunk, etc – are used by people who aren’t willing to own up to their own behavior. And it’s not like they need to be ashamed: they’re human, they like sex, so they went for it. They don’t need to make up excuses.

So beware of those dangerous bars of soap lying around. Step on one of them – and they’ll magically yank off your clothes leaving you naked with another person,  who conveniently also slipped on a bar of soap. But if you don’t see one lying around – your actions are on you my friend.

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