Of It Follows (Movie Review)

When I first saw the trailer for It Follows I thought, “STDs! The horror film!”

It looked like every other horror film out there, pretty girl, vicious monster, and some sort of torment. But then when the film came out it was getting praised by film critics and bloggers. And even the trolls of the Internet were all like, “YES! This is the best horror film in a decade. Huzzah!” Currently on Rotten Tomatoes the critics have given the film a score of 96%. For a horror film, that’s insane. It Follows has a higher score than most of the Oscar nominated films last year. It has a higher score than The Avengers, Forrest Gump, The Dark Knight,  A Single Man, Despicable Me, and Guardians of the Galaxy. #ridiculous

So naturally my curiosity peaked, what about this indie horror flick has everyone talking? But when I left the theater, I was baffled, baffled as to why the Internet is in love with this thing.

On a scale from 1-5 I’d give this film a 2. I would’ve given it a 3 but it literally has the worst film score of all time. The music is repetitive and I swear it was made on a cheap 66-key keyboard like the one Ross played on F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

The dialogue was also terrible with weird pauses in the conversations, but it was really the music that killed me. It all sounded like this:

  • Boom
  • Silence
  • Boom
  • Synthesizers
  • Boom
  • Boom
  • Louder Synthesizers
  • Boom
  • Boom
  • Annoying loud Synthesizers and Strings
  • Silence

There will be spoilers up ahead, so if your heart was set on watching this movie you may want to look away now.

The overall idea of the film was good, a shape shifting demon-like thing is going to be constantly walking straight at you until you pass it on by having sex with someone else. But, if whoever you pass it onto gets killed by said mysterious thing it’ll start in your direction again. Cool, I can accept that as a plausible horror film story line, I can even accept that as a marginally original idea for a horror film, but I can’t accept that anyone would ever get caught by this thing – it moves fucking slow.

Seriously, it’s so slow that when it was in the kitchen with the main girl, she was able to stand there panicking for a good minute as it inched towards her before she finally decided to run. And where does she run? Upstairs! Idiot.

Realistically this thing shouldn’t even be around anymore, considering that there had to have been a 1st person that it followed at some point in time. Within the first 3 people, 5 tops, it should’ve gone down the line and killed them all. Unless everyone happened to be promiscuous and it couldn’t keep up with the sexcapades. But even then, how did the first person know about it? Were they cursed by someone and promptly informed?

I will give the film makers credit in that they accomplished their goal of slow anticipation. But once the initial shock wore off the anticipation became annoying. Over half the movie is of them driving away from the thing and then hanging out until it catches up to them. Personally, if I knew that a mysterious thing was following me. If I knew it was trying to kill me. And if i knew that it was always walking the speed of a snail. Then I would drive further than 30 minutes away. Hell, I would drive to the airport, hop on a plane, and spend some time in Europe. It’s gonna take a long time for it to get across the Pacific Ocean.

I would also try to discover the origins of the thing to see if I could end the curse. Even if I wasn’t successful, at least I tried. These kids didn’t do shit, they just kept running away and then came up with the worst plan of all time.

But here’s the quick list of what’s wrong with the film:

  • The main girl has no respect for her cast whatsoever and goes swimming with it. Yes, I get that she’s being followed … but still.
  • Am I supposed to believe that if a girl with a broken arm swam up to three dudes hanging out on a boat that one of them would sleep with her? What about the other two? Are they watching? Did they jump in the water?
  • They know they can’t kill it with a gun, but they still keep trying to shoot it.
  • They take all this time to set up an elaborate scheme to electrocute it to death, and they don’t even turn on the power because they think it left the pool. But it couldn’t have gone anywhere since it’s clearly corporeal due to the fact that they can touch it. And it’s supposed to be walking everywhere, which implies that it can’t teleport itself out of there. Furthermore, electrocuting it obviously wouldn’t work considering a bullet to the head didn’t take it down.
  • The first guy that she sleeps with after she gets the curse clearly didn’t believe her that it was a STD-like thing, so he was just using her to get laid.
  • Why is it almost always naked?
  • It brutally mutated the girl in the opening shot and it went straight for the throat of the guy she slept with. So naturally when it approaches the main girl from behind it just lifts up her hair instead of snapping her neck.
  • Why was it peeing itself in the kitchen? That was gross.
  • What time period is this?! They use home phones and dress 70s, but one of the characters has this shell touch screen electronic reader thing that she’s constantly staring at.

Of Tuesday Tunes – Hedwig’s Theme by John Williams

My song of the week is Hedwig’s Theme by John Williams.

I just spent three days at the Magical World of Harry Potter in Universal Studios Orlando. And needless to say (but I’m gonna say it anyways) it was amazing!

Songs of witches and wizards still dance in my head and I don’t think they’re going away any time soon.

Everywhere we went in either Diagon Alley or Hogsmede, the classic film score was playing – it was absolutely delightful. I highly encourage any fan to venture down to Florida and experience first hand the magic that is Harry Potter.

Favorite lyric: Not applicable as there are no words.

Of Tuesday Tunes – One Last Night by Vaults

My song of the week is One Last Night by Vaults.

This is one of those deceptively sad songs. It’s a power ballad with a pop beat, but it’s about losing someone and yearning to spend just one more night with them – even if it’s all a fantasy. See? Sad. Either that or the apocalypse is happening and they literally won’t see tomorrow.

One Last Night is beautiful, my favorite thing about the song is the violins that are woven in with the chorus. They bring the sorrow and longing that’s in the lyrics to the orchestration of the song. And it’s lovely.

Favorite lyric: “Ghosts and silhouettes, they take a piece of me they want it all. Oh but to wait in an empty room, with the feeling that is closing in.”

Of Tunesday Tunes – Life Has Been Good To Me by French Stewart

My song of the week is a cover of Life Has Been Good To Me by French Stewart.

This weeks song is a little bit different in that is from an episode of 3rd Rock From the Sun, the show that I am currently binge watching. The 2-part episode where the Solomon’s all dream for the first time is absolutely gorgeous. The creators took full advantage of the ridiculous premise of aliens on Earth combined with the surrealism of dreaming, and it worked. But the real highlight of the episode was the song and dance number performed by French Stewart.

It’s a jazzy little blues number that is just fun. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve danced to the original version by Randy Newman (performed by Bonnie Raitt) at various Blues Dance Venues, but there’s just something extra special about French Stewart singing the ditty.

Life Has Been Good To Me is incredibly catchy and the choreography from the show is spectacular. If you wanted to watch more than just the clip below it’s from season 3 episode 26 of 3rd Rock From the Sun.

Favorite Lyric: “Life Has Been Good To Me.”

Of Tuesday Tunes – Make You Feel by Alina Baraz & Galimantias

My song of the week (on a Wednesday, sorry) is Make You Feel by Alina Baraz & Galimantias

Make You Feel is an incredibly sensual song. It’s captivating in that effortless, “I just woke up like this,” kind of way. I know there’s a lot of beautiful down-tempo electronic songs with female vocals out there, but the song is different from the norm in it’s simplicity. The artists didn’t build up, rather they built down. The magic of this song is in the chorus where they manipulate the vocals to be part of the instrumentation.

I love this song. I want to dance to it. I want to have sex to it. Something about this song makes me feel powerful and sexy.

Favorite lyric: “Breathe me in, taste my words, let me blow your mind. I’ll take you far, far away, I’ll make you feel alright.”

Of Tuesday Tunes – The Butts Remix by Home Free

YASSSS!!!!!!!

My song of the week is The Butts Remix by Home Free.

Home Free is a wonderful, and adorable, country a capella group that’s not afraid to be a little bit silly.

I went to their concert a few weeks ago and just before the intermission Tim, the bass vocalist, said something along the lines of, “Earlier we sang All About That Bass, but just in case you don’t believe that Home Free celebrates curves – here’s a whole medley about butts.” Naturally the crowd went wild!

And it was so delightful, I was laughing the entire time. So when I got home I tried to find decent videos on YouTube, but it was impossible. Camera phone speakers cannot due the a capella group justice.

So when I saw that they made a music video of the medley I was downright giddy and watched it immediately.

It was everything I wanted it to be 🙂

Favorite Lyric: When Rob raps to Sir Mix-a-Lot, it’s magical.

Of Tuesday Tunes – Got It by Marian Hilll

My song of the week is Got It by Marian Hill.

I can’t get enough of Marian Hill this week. Until last Friday the only song of hers that I was familiar with was One Time. So while doing DJ research I decided to buy the album and my only regret is that I didn’t buy it sooner. The whole album is amazing! It’s sexy, but not in a predictable way, and she plays with electronica in a way that I’ve never really heard before.

Got It is an example of how she combines the sexy and playful in a perfect cocktail. It was difficult to choose one song off the album, but decided to go with Got It because it really stood out to me the first time I played the album through.

Favorite lyric: “You think it’s love, but you think too much.”

Of Tuesday Tunes – Carry Out feat. Justin Timberlake by Timbaland

My song of the week (on a Wednesday, sorry) is Carry Out feat. Justin Timberlake by Timbaland.

This song came out in 2009, but I came across it again while sifting through my mountain of music and thought, “Oh yeah! Must dance to this.”

Carry Out has a classic 2000’s hip hop beat, sexy with whistles and lots of synthesizers. And while comparing a woman to a fast food joint isn’t the most flattering of metaphors, the punny-ness of the song is fantastic. It’s the kind of song that I would DJ as a throwback to get people all nostalgic and excited.

Favorite lyric: “Number one, I take two number three’s. That’s a whole lotta you, and a side of me”

Of Tuesday Tunes – Fake I.D. feat. Gretchen Wilson by Big & Rich

My song of the week is Fake I.D. feat. Gretchen Wilson by Big & Rich.

Last year I took the time to learn the line dance from the Footloose remake, which happens to be choreographed for this song. Then last Saturday for a combined birthday party with my roommates lady friend and myself, we forced a bunch of our friends to learn the magical (and kinda complicated) line dance. Because of this event, the song has been playing in my head for a few days now. I would love to do this line dance with my friends again. Next time we do it they’ll even have had time to practice.

The song itself is country, very country, but it’s also super catchy and has a fun energy that makes cowboys and cowgirls want to boogie.

As for the music video … enjoy the hotness that is Julianne Hough.

Favorite lyric: “Hey mister! Hey mister!”

PS – if you want to learn the dance, click here.

Of Tuesday Tunes – Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding

My song of the week is Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding. Sorry it’s Wednesday, Tuesday somehow slipped right passed me this week.

Ellie Goulding is the master of the powerful kick, she knows how to build a song, when to pull back, and when to heighten the energy. Through the use of layered voices to create the feeling of a choir she’s able to create a festive atmosphere that is completely captivating.

I love this song. While the lyrics aren’t the most earth shattering and they’re intentionally repetitive, it’s a fun song that makes me want to move, dance, and be in love – which is fine by me.

Favorite Lyric: “I’ll let you set the pace, cause I’m not thinking straight, my head spinning around I can’t see clear no more. What are you waiting for?”