Of Ugly Male Ponytails

Check out this “beautiful” hairstyle.

Ugly Man Ponytail

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I see this style of ponytail on at least three men a week. What I can’t figure out is why this hairstyle is appealing. If you understand or think that this is an attractive look please speak up in the comments section and try to sway my opinion.

From what I gather, these men aren’t actually balding – but they really wish they were. So they took tips from sumo wrestlers, bad comb overs, and Donald Trump. Then proceeded to fashion their hair into a makeshift toupee. The stylish rat-tail dangling towards their neck serving as a whimsical touch. The tail also provides much-needed proof that their hair is not fake should they find the ladies are turned off but their “balding” appearance, and ponytail toupee resting upon their head.

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Of Contraband (Movie Review)

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I’m always told I should write reviews. I did once for The Muppets, I guess now I’ll write one for Contraband. Note: this will not be an intellectual review.

I’d give this movie a 2.56 out of 10 – it drove me crazy, and here’s why:

EVERYONE WAS MEAN FOR NO REASON! Honestly, the only two characters with a shred of humanity were the children and even they were stupid and freakishly comfortable after having a gun nearly blow off their faces. I don’t mind mean people in movies/TV, in fact, we need them to create interesting conflict. But there needs to be a reason, there needs to be a balance between jerks and good guys to some degree.

There’s not really anything about this movie that’s unique. Basically Mark Wahlberg used to be a smuggler (apparently he was the best at it) and his brother-in-law, Andy (Caleb Landry Jones), is having issues with a drug lord, Tim Briggs (Giovanni Ribisi). Cue the story of thieving and an abundance of violence.

If you really want to see this movie then don’t read the paragraph below (I promise I won’t be too detailed):

In this world everything is high money and unnecessarily angry –  so naturally that means answering the door with a gun when your daughter is sitting there watching TV, not calling the cops when someone tries to kill you, bribing the angry Panama gang leader, Gonzalo (Diego Luna), by offering to be a part of ANOTHER crime which you really don’t have time to do cause the boat could leave without you making the whole situation pointless plus, killing your family.

There was one character who I thought, at least he’s nice, he was helping out the “goody guys” (as if there were any). But he ended up being the biggest jerk of all! Worse than the guy that nearly killed the children. Honestly, I was so distracted by how mean everyone was, how there was absolutely no regard for humanity, how everyone (except Wahlberg) was so rash and cold, that I lost interest in the thin plot. At one point I got up to walk around for five minutes just to take a break from all the anger.

I did LOVE the song at the end of the movie – it’s a catchy little bluesy ditty.

Except in the movie the song was a really nice cover by Big Head Todd and The Monsters

Of Female Orgasmic Decisions

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There’s a moment in the midst of intimate passion when a female knows whether or not the orgasm is going to happen.

When we’re on, we are ON, and we can go forever. Well, not forever, but certainly for hours …. much MUCH longer than you men out there. No offense. There’s a certain type of longing, that stretches way up inside a woman and makes her body writhe at the mere thought of sex. A desire that no amount of self-pleasure or oral could fix. This is a need that is deep inside and can only be reached by a man or a sex toy. When we feel this we know we will orgasm, and it will be loud and long … unless our partner unfortunately doesn’t, um, hold up. Let us not think bad thoughts, I like to think that most people want their partner to have an unbelievable experience. I know I do.

The female sex drive is largely in the brain. Yes, I might feel an aching need down below but if my brain does not match the vaginal vibe then ultimate satisfaction is not feasible. This is not to say we cannot enjoy ourselves,  just not as much as we could. And when our brain isn’t connecting to what our body longs for, we are faced with a choice.

  1. Fake orgasm – poor choice, I’ve never done it but a know many a lady who has.
  2. Work for it – rarely does this end with success, most likely you’ll end up tired and disappointed.
  3. Stop and finish them off – understandable, perhaps it’s best to give head then cuddle.
  4. Stop completely – a little mean, poor partner left hanging.
  5. Accept and Conquer – there’s nothing quite like holding a collapsed person shortly after sex, to know that you destroyed them, sometimes, given the proper mind-set, this can be quite a lovely feeling.
There’s other smaller choices such as speed up the process, but these are some of the big five.