Of Star Wars??

*Note: I have intentionally not taken the time to Google the spelling of anything Star Wars related – I think the spelling errors (should there be any) further prove my ignorance*

Star Wars Poster

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It became blatantly apparent to me a couple of days ago, that I am not familiar with the Star Wars franchise. I assumed I was, for I know I’ve seen them, at some point. I remember sitting around our crappy TV watching Star Wars just as much as anyone – though maybe I mostly just remember having to hit the television when the video started to shake.

I was attending an amateur comedy show, and one of the comedians was talking about Star Wars. To my slight chagrin, I had to lean back and say the following sentence to my friend:

“For fear of sounding not cultured, the wookey is the tiny one right?” I was promptly informed that the small furry things are called ewoks, and the wookey’s are the big ones.

Later I needed further clarification when the word Chewbaca came up, and said, “Wait, I thought they were called wookey’s.” At which point, I learned that Chewbaca was in fact the large furry guy’s name.

So clearly, I do not know Star Wars. However, I KNOW I have seen it – though I was probably nine. Here’s what I remember:

  1. There’s a lot of words over John William’s famous score.
  2. At some point young Luke Skywalker goes to a swamp to see Yoda who talks essentially backwards hikus.
  3. They fight with lightsavers.
  4. Luke Skywalker slides down a snowy hill with a gun.
  5. R2D2 is the one with buttons who makes noises that sound like when the dentist is filling a cavity.
  6. There’s a golden robot that talks and says words like indubitably. His name is C3PO?
  7. They fight alongside a furry thing that I now know is named Chewbaca.
  8. Eventually they go to a pub, and there are a lot of various aliens, monsters, and what not. For some reason they have to talk to Jaba the Hut – who is fat and gross.
  9. Princess Lea has buns on the side of her head and stays in a silver room – I have no idea why.
  10. Luke Skywalker fights Darth Vador who ends up being his father – he kills him anyways? What I know for certain is Darth Vador is ugly when he takes off the helmet.
  11. Stormtroopers are the bad guys’ army men.
  12. Tiny furry things (apparently ewoks) giggle and throw a party.
  13. Luke and Lea are related – but I probably just know that from eavesdropping.


Upon reading this bullet point list to my roommate, she informed me that I have seen all the movies. In my head, it’s all one long jumbled up story from a series of films I saw once as a small child. Regardless, I find it hard to believe that there are only thirteen story points.

And I have no idea what the story line is beyond Luke Skywalker must save Princess Lea by fighting Darth Vador – which frankly, sounds like the plot of Super Mario Brothers.