*Note: I have intentionally not taken the time to Google the spelling of anything Star Wars related – I think the spelling errors (should there be any) further prove my ignorance*
It became blatantly apparent to me a couple of days ago, that I am not familiar with the Star Wars franchise. I assumed I was, for I know I’ve seen them, at some point. I remember sitting around our crappy TV watching Star Wars just as much as anyone – though maybe I mostly just remember having to hit the television when the video started to shake.
I was attending an amateur comedy show, and one of the comedians was talking about Star Wars. To my slight chagrin, I had to lean back and say the following sentence to my friend:
“For fear of sounding not cultured, the wookey is the tiny one right?” I was promptly informed that the small furry things are called ewoks, and the wookey’s are the big ones.
Later I needed further clarification when the word Chewbaca came up, and said, “Wait, I thought they were called wookey’s.” At which point, I learned that Chewbaca was in fact the large furry guy’s name.
So clearly, I do not know Star Wars. However, I KNOW I have seen it – though I was probably nine. Here’s what I remember:
- There’s a lot of words over John William’s famous score.
- At some point young Luke Skywalker goes to a swamp to see Yoda who talks essentially backwards hikus.
- They fight with lightsavers.
- Luke Skywalker slides down a snowy hill with a gun.
- R2D2 is the one with buttons who makes noises that sound like when the dentist is filling a cavity.
- There’s a golden robot that talks and says words like indubitably. His name is C3PO?
- They fight alongside a furry thing that I now know is named Chewbaca.
- Eventually they go to a pub, and there are a lot of various aliens, monsters, and what not. For some reason they have to talk to Jaba the Hut – who is fat and gross.
- Princess Lea has buns on the side of her head and stays in a silver room – I have no idea why.
- Luke Skywalker fights Darth Vador who ends up being his father – he kills him anyways? What I know for certain is Darth Vador is ugly when he takes off the helmet.
- Stormtroopers are the bad guys’ army men.
- Tiny furry things (apparently ewoks) giggle and throw a party.
- Luke and Lea are related – but I probably just know that from eavesdropping.
Upon reading this bullet point list to my roommate, she informed me that I have seen all the movies. In my head, it’s all one long jumbled up story from a series of films I saw once as a small child. Regardless, I find it hard to believe that there are only thirteen story points.
And I have no idea what the story line is beyond Luke Skywalker must save Princess Lea by fighting Darth Vador – which frankly, sounds like the plot of Super Mario Brothers.