Of Shopaholicism

Let’s talk about the reality of shopping. Shopping can function as an addiction, torture, a release, a momentary escape, a pick-me-up, or even a reward. It’s many things, there’s a reason the phrase retail therapy exists, but the equation is always pretty much the same – unless you have lots of money, which I do not:

Shopping Texting Conversation

Side note: ponder is my second favorite word. The first being heathen. A pondering heathen, in my opinion, is the world’s best phrase.

The catalyst that begins a shopping adventure can be pretty much anything: maybe you’re feeling sad, your wardrobe is unappealing, you need a pick me up, you heard of a sale, you’re in a rut, you’re bored, there’s nothing on TV, all your friends have recently acquired new things, your mom’s in town, it’s payday…

The reason doesn’t matter. To be a shopaholic is essentially to understand that you don’t need new things, yet it feels like you do. Sometimes shopping is like finally scratching that itch in the middle of your back only to have another itch pop up elsewhere. Temporary euphoria.

I consider myself a former shopaholic. And I can honestly say that any excuse is a good excuse to buy something shiny … in my case, most likely a new dress.

I say former because I no longer use my credit card on a weekly basis for things I don’t need. However, when I do go shopping, I have the same mindset as I did back when I used shopping as a means to not be stuck at the parents house:

  • I shop by myself, I’m not a huge fan of having to care about what looks good on someone else – I’m a selfish shopper. Plus, shopping solo is much more efficient.
  • I’m wicked good at finding a sale. My record? A dress for $15 in 10 minutes. Proof that you don’t have to spend all your money to buy something new and pretty.
  • I have a strict, “If you don’t absolutely love it, don’t buy it!” policy. Because if you debate even for a moment that you’ll wear whatever it is, odds are it’ll be in the back of your closet for all of eternity.

So while shopping isn’t considered an admirable hobby, at least it got me a great credit score and a closet full of pretty things that are starting to bore me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Of 25 Years of Knowledge!

Lighting the Candle

Lighting the Candle

Today is my 25th birthday, which means I’m due for a quarter-life-crisis anytime now.  Most importantly, I can officially rent a car anywhere in the United States without being forced to pay extra extensive fees. My last God-given American right till I can get Senior Discount.

Over the last 25 years I have come to acquire much knowledge, 25 of those nuggets of wisdom are listed below.

Mime smoking the candle

Mime smoking the candle

Enjoy:

  • Always get paid to go to the bathroom when at work. It’s strangely satisfying. Don’t go on your break.
  • Being rejected sucks, but it’s better than pining.
  • There’s no such thing as Sunday’s best. You can wear nice clothes whenever the Hell you want.
  • God doesn’t hate people. God loves people. So whoever, or whatever your God, or lack of God is – just be happy.
  • In terms of coming out, there is no “right” place to be, go at your own pace.
  • Whales are the best creatures, but they shouldn’t be held in giant salty bathtubs.
  •  You’re never too old for children’s movies.
  • Dance is the best thing ever.
  • “It is perfectly acceptable to watch TV all day,” Nick Miller (New Girl).  I concur, so long as it’s not EVERYDAY.
This is kinda burning my face.

This is kinda burning my face.

  • Don’t be a hipster. Just…. don’t. It’s not cool to complain that other people are only just now discovering something awesome – it’s douchey.
  • Do what you have to do, don’t let pride get in the way of moving forward. Like, if you need a job but can’t find anything other than fast food – take it and keep looking for something better.
  • Don’t waste time on one-way friendships (aka, when you do all of the work and they constantly bail or cancel on you). In the end, it’s never worth it.
  • There’s no need for closet fandom. Don’t be ashamed of your tastes.
  • Go on mini adventures.
  • It’s super lame when people have to get drunk in order to have the balls to do something.
  • A pent-up kiss is a dangerous catalyst.
  • When hiking make sure to venture off the standard path. See what happens when you make your way through the brush, maybe you’ll find a hidden paradise.
  • Cliff jumping is terrifying but exciting.
Wax burned my hand

Wax burned my hand

  • Long distance friendships are difficult to maintain but they make for lasting friendships – texting and Facebook help. As an added bonus of your long-distance BFF, you’ll always have someone to gossip with, since most likely they will never actually meet any of the people you talk about. Or if they ever do visit, they’ll already know so much about your buddies that they’ll act like old friends. It’s a win-win.
  • You can make any summer dress into a winter dress by adding leggings, a jacket, and boots. Fact.
  • Truly hating someone or holding a grudge is a wasted emotion. Channel that angst somewhere more productive and less bitchy.
  • If you need help, ask for it.
  • People have way more sex on TV than any single person I have ever known in real life.
  • No matter how embarrassing, awful, or weird the event was – at least now you got a great story.
  • Embrace whatever phase of life you’re in. Before you know it, everything will change again, and all you’ll have left of right now is some memories – and maybe a trinket or two.
Bye bye candle

Bye bye candle

*Sorry, I was forced to use bullet points because it wouldn’t let me insert the pictures without restarting the numbers from zero. But I swear there’s 25 things – count if ya don’t trust me 🙂

Of the Illusion of Fashion

Me in a Weird Hat

A nice dress and a monster hat on my head? If that’s not fashion forward I don’t know what is.

I’m often told, “only you could pull that off.” It’s a rather trite remark regarding my fashion sense. I dress well, I know this. I wear a lot of dresses, I like to feel pretty, I can’t understand what’s so unusual about that. Typically my casual is regarded as fancy, I’ve spent years building a wardrobe that makes me stand out in the way that I want to be noticed. I don’t want to blend in with the majority of people who surround me with their boring t-shirts and sneakers. But I’m not the only person that could ever pull it off, that’s just silly.

Everyone can dress well, everyone can pull off fancier fashion than say the jeans and hoodies of the general population. It doesn’t have to do with how good you look in nice clothing. Crazy as it is to believe. It has to do with self-esteem and finding clothes that fit not only your body type, which is VERY important, but also match your personality. Fashion is the illusion of confidence.

There’s a reason why some people look good with tattoos and others would just look strange. Why some people can pull off goth, hippie, or vintage clothing. Or why others can manage to dye their hair bright pink and not look like cotton candy. Yet another person does the exact same thing and looks disheveled – and should really hide in a box until their hair goes back to normal. Confidence. If you feel sexy about yourself and in turn your clothing, the vibes that you give off will scream of your attractiveness.

I think Scarlett Johansson said it best, “If you’re comfortable with yourself, then it’s sexy. Maybe people think I look sexy because I feel sexy. I am a very liberated person that way. I’m very comfortable with my sexuality, my body, my face – well, sometimes I’m not comfortable with my face, but it’s stuck there and there’s nothing I can do about it.” Well said, pretty lady, well said.

You can definitely pull that off.

Of Pant Day Blues

Sad Pants Cartoon

Click image to view source

Today I was forced to wear pants. I hate being forced to wear pants.

Cause, you see, I don’t have very many human clothes. And the ones that I do have, I don’t particularly like. I haven’t bought jeans since high school, my shirts are mostly intended to be tucked into a skirt, and I don’t own sweatshirts of any kind. It’s always a challenge trying to find a nice human outfit to wear to an event (or in weather) that my normal clothes (casual for me, dressy for most humans in the Pacific North West) would simply be a bad idea.

That’s why this morning it was so sad to walk out of my room with denim strapped to my legs and one of my few human shirts, while my dresses and skirts hung limp and sad on their hangers. Their pretty feelings hurt by my neglect.

What made matters worse was that while it looked cold and wet – it was not. In actuality it was humid and warm. I was wearing pants for no reason! I even had an umbrella in my backpack.

Curse you Washington and your weather inconsistencies!