Of Boobs on Slides

Pink Swimsuit

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I mentioned recently that I was going to a water park, Wild Waves to be more specific. It was awesome – rollercoaster’s and water slides? – yes! And wow, were there a lot of boobs hanging out – I swear I wasn’t just staring at chests all day, I was preoccupied with rides.

Still, a girl notices these things.

Now don’t be mislead, I love boobs, they’re awesome, soft, and sexy. I’m all for a lady rocking some tasteful cleavage (but if your nipple resides barely below the top of your shirt, I’d say you’re showing too much). Let’s avoid being trashy, okay? I’m not normally one to insult someone for showing off their skin. If a woman is confident and comfortable in her body then I’m all for her putting it on display. But there’s a limit.

At the park I saw a lot of boobs that were barely strapped in, with each step they’d jiggle to the point where I became concerned about what should happen if those ladies go on a slide. Sometimes the twins appeared crooked in a cheap swimsuit. A lot of people fashioned themselves in trendy suits that only look good on models and did nothing but make them appear oddly shaped. One lady had chapstick that she attempted to hide under one boob, yeah, it didn’t work. Despite that there were some attractive people, and in turn breasts, at the park. The overwhelming amount of awkward, saggy, over-tanned, wrinkly, and too big for their swimsuits – outrageously overpowered the pretty people.

Most horrifying of all was three girls (I’m going to guess thirteen at oldest) that we had to stand behind in line for 20 minutes. One girl had on a normal two-piece swimsuit. The second girl had a thin black bikini that was a little to big for her (but she was covered). The third girl is the one that my friends and I began whispering about. She had on one of those tub top swimsuits. I get it, no tan lines. Girl three was either excited to show off her skin or she was unaware what she was showing. She had some serious underboob going on. Meaning the spot below the breast where bras and swimsuits usually make contact didn’t exist. Instead we got a not so lovely eye full of a solid centimeter of under boob on a future slutty girl. It was disgusting. Under boob cleavage is not a thing, nor will it ever be a thing, unless we stop wearing normal length shirts.

Sadly that was not my only encounter with under boob. But it was the most appalling considering their age.

Here’s the lesson:

  • Upper boob or cleavage (acceptable, if tasteful).
  • Side boob (depends on outfit and body type).
  • Under boob (never okay).
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Of the Illusion of Fashion

Me in a Weird Hat

A nice dress and a monster hat on my head? If that’s not fashion forward I don’t know what is.

I’m often told, “only you could pull that off.” It’s a rather trite remark regarding my fashion sense. I dress well, I know this. I wear a lot of dresses, I like to feel pretty, I can’t understand what’s so unusual about that. Typically my casual is regarded as fancy, I’ve spent years building a wardrobe that makes me stand out in the way that I want to be noticed. I don’t want to blend in with the majority of people who surround me with their boring t-shirts and sneakers. But I’m not the only person that could ever pull it off, that’s just silly.

Everyone can dress well, everyone can pull off fancier fashion than say the jeans and hoodies of the general population. It doesn’t have to do with how good you look in nice clothing. Crazy as it is to believe. It has to do with self-esteem and finding clothes that fit not only your body type, which is VERY important, but also match your personality. Fashion is the illusion of confidence.

There’s a reason why some people look good with tattoos and others would just look strange. Why some people can pull off goth, hippie, or vintage clothing. Or why others can manage to dye their hair bright pink and not look like cotton candy. Yet another person does the exact same thing and looks disheveled – and should really hide in a box until their hair goes back to normal. Confidence. If you feel sexy about yourself and in turn your clothing, the vibes that you give off will scream of your attractiveness.

I think Scarlett Johansson said it best, “If you’re comfortable with yourself, then it’s sexy. Maybe people think I look sexy because I feel sexy. I am a very liberated person that way. I’m very comfortable with my sexuality, my body, my face – well, sometimes I’m not comfortable with my face, but it’s stuck there and there’s nothing I can do about it.” Well said, pretty lady, well said.

You can definitely pull that off.