Of How to Handle a Wrong Number

Wrong Number - All That

Click image to view source.

I feel your pain. It’s not your fault your new phone number was someone else’s old number. You’re sick of getting all these phone calls for Jeffery WhatsHisName. You just wanna be loved. You long hear that beautiful ringtone, pick it up, say hello, and be invited to go to the bar with your bestie. But you can’t have this, thanks some dude named Jeffery and all of his damn friends, family members, and appointments. It’s frustrating I know, but it’ll be okay. Eventually the world will figure out that you are not who they are seeking.  Give it a little bit of time and ALL your phone calls will be for you.

That’s just how things work (#CommonSense).

There are many things I just have little patience for: people going under the speed limit, crocs, action movies, abruptly cancelling plans, velvet. Even so, what tests my calm demeanor the most is pointless jackassery. If someone’s gonna be a jerk to me, I should at least have done something to deserve it.

Here’s how NOT to speak to someone who calls you seeking someone else:

  1. Letting out the world’s longest sigh and stating, “Ugh, wrong number,” with a hint of teenage angst in your voice. I can see you rolling your eyes through the phone.
  2. Simply hanging up. Rude, I’m just gonna assume the call got dropped and try again. You’re just making yourself more pissed off.
  3. Yelling. Clearly this is the fifth time this has happened to you today. Not my fault.
  4. Telling me, “Tell your friend to have people stop calling this number.” I greatly dislike when strangers give me orders. And even with the world’s largest Facebook post, not everyone will get the message.

Here’s how to speak to someone who calls you seeking someone else:

  1. Some form of this conversation should go down:
    • “You got the wrong number.”
    • “Oh, sorry.”
    • “No worries, bye.”
    • “Bye.”

Is being polite, then saying goodbye to a stranger, really too much to ask?

Of a Dirty Hippie in an Elevator

Dirty hippies are not usually as attractive as James Franco but they are similar in the pothead aspect

I was standing in an elevator. A typical elevator with lots of buttons that was probably designed by someone who thought claustrophobia was funny. I started texting someone something – I forget what exactly – course that doesn’t really matter.

Then the elevator stopped and a dirty hippie entered. Living in Bellingham, WA dirty hippies are everywhere. Note: they are different from the traditional hippies of the 1960’s and must not be confused with hipsters. They dress in mismatched clothes that look as though they haven’t been washed – ever. Use only all natural products. Eat only healthy, typically organic, usually vegetarian meals. And they smell like curry and pot. Usually dirty hippies don’t say much to us conformists, that day was different.

The man had dirty blond hair (Ironic right? Dirty blond – dirty hippie). He was wearing the gloves that only cover your wrists, a winter accessory that I’ll never understand. He had ripped the bottom of his jeans off which gave him the Peter Pan look. The zippers on his back pack were near to busting. And he had brown worn out sneakers.

Politely I nodded to acknowledge his presence and returned to texting.

He broke the traditional elevator silence by saying “I took texting off my phone and got my life back.” He then proceeded to curl the fingers on his right hand into a fist and thrust it forward as if saying hoorah! I’m better than you bitch! Of course … dirty hippie’s don’t generally talk like that, they are more passive in their dialogue. I stood there thinking how rude it was to criticize what someone is doing while they are doing it. It’s not like I was carrying around a gun, drinking, or doing drugs in the elevator. I was texting – a very normal thing to do nowadays.

In the spirit of elevator courtesy I replied “Is that so?”

“Yeah, life is so much more productive with out it.”

The elevator doors opened and to my dismay we had the same exit.

He continued, “Now some of my friends get mad at me because they think I’m ignoring or avoiding them.”

No shit I thought everyone texts now ya weird dirty hippie. However, I try my best to be polite in these peculiar circumstances and instead remarked “Well … you are messing with modern communication.”

He laughed as he beamed with pride. He walked away so overjoyed he was clapping. I immediately pulled out my phone and texted a friend about this dirty hippie in the elevator.

Here is said text (unedited) to my friend with the last name of Bennet:

So i’m texting in the elevator right? (Bennet nods her head yes while saying mmhmm) this guy, total dirty hippie by the way, looks at me and says with his right arm in power fist position “I took texting off my phone and got my life back. Course now people think I’m avoiding them.  I made fun of him in my head, though umm rude, and said “Well, you’re messing with modern communication.” He smiled and walked away. Strange right (Bennet nods yes once more).

Bennet replied:

Bahahahaha!! What a weirdo!!!