Of Childhood Songs

The Little Rascals

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I was sitting at work when a song entitled, The Little Green Frog, popped into my head. I sang it while shuffling papers and sitting at the computer. I hummed it while walking near the patients and doctors. The song was on a perpetual loop in my brain when I suddenly thought, “This song is barbaric.”

It’s no mystery that a lot of traditional children’s songs have a depressing or messed up back story, Ring Around the Rosy being the prime example. And yet, they keep getting passed down generation to generation.

I learned The Little Green Frog back in Girl Scouts, it has motions and everything:

Mm, mm, went the little green frog one day,

Mm, mm, went the little green frog,

Mm, mm, went the little green frog one day,

And his eyes went mm, mm, too.

Honk, honk, went the big red truck one day,

Squish, squish, went the little green frog.

Now his eyes don’t go mm, mm, anymore,

Cause he got eaten up by a dog, arf, arf.

Our troop sang this song at meetings, day camps, car rides, and most importantly – on stage. Imagine a bunch of 6-year-old’s singing a song about the gruesome death of a frog for their parents and grandparents. Either the adults didn’t really pay attention to the lyrics, most likely because of our blinding cuteness. Or, they laughed and didn’t care.

Upon the realization of the morbidness of the frog song, I immediately paused to think, “What other awful message have I sung for years?” Quickly I thought of, The Canoe Song – this song also has hand gestures. Let’s be real, they ALL have hand gestures.

This song is deceptive, it gives the illusion of girl power, but I think it’s a little rapey. I can’t help but throw in some commentary:

There was a boy and a girl in a little canoe with the moon shining all around,
Aw, romantic!

He paddled his paddle so that you couldn’t even hear a sound,
Why did he need to be so quiet? Did they steal the boat? Was it her parents boat? Were they somewhere they shouldn’t have been?

And they talked and the talked till the moon grew dim,
All night!

He said you better kiss me or get out and swim,
If she hasn’t kissed you by now, you’re friendzoned. You’ve literally been on a romantic boat trip from dusk to dawn. It’s not gonna happen buddy – sorry.

Well what you gonna do in a little canoe, 

With the moon shining all a,

Boat going all a,

Girl swimming all around.
Something serious must have gone down for her to be swimming in the water. A simple conversation wouldn’t suffice? Are they all talked out? Did he get aggressive?

As a child, we would yell, “Kersplash! Oh yeah! Smart girl!” But looking at the lyrics, I’m convinced that the girl said no and the boy didn’t take no for an answer. So either A: he pushed her into the lake cause he’s a jerk of a manchild, or B: her choices were swim, or get raped, and she chose to swim. So yeah, I guess chanting smart girl is in order. However, he’s in a boat. She’s in the middle of what I assume is a lake. There’s no way she can outrun him for long.

This screams horror movie.



Of Creepy Vs. Cute

Creepy girl

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Everyone has the potential for coming across as an all-star creeper. Trust me, I have the skills to creep your pants off if I desire – take that literally or figuratively, I don’t care. At the same time, all humans can come across absolutely adorable, cuteness oozing through all pores. So the next time you think, ugh s/he is so creepy, just remember that someone somewhere in the world thinks the exact same thing about you.

The real question is what makes a person or interaction creepy? To put it simply, I think it comes down to understanding a rapport. Are we friends? Are they attractive? Have I met them? Do I like them (romantic or platonic)? These are the questions that determine if the behavior is cute, creepy, or creepy-esque (an awkward, but awesome, friendship).

For any of you that are easily confused by social situations, if the answer to the question, have I met them? is no. Then don’t make a move other than to get to know them – for you will come across creepy unless you’re celebrity-level-attractive.

If the answer to all four questions is a heartfelt YES!!! Then any attempts at being creepy will fail. In order to succeed in making the other human uncomfortable you’ll have to put forth a lot of effort and catch your romantic interest off guard. Best to accept your fate and just be the delectable little dumpling that you are, for everything you do will have your partner thinking, awww. So relax, watch some gag worthy romantic comedies, snuggle whilst drinking tea, and proceed to melt into an adorable pile of goo.

In all other circumstances there’s a boundary. Defining the line of cute vs. creepy will require you to pay attention to your surroundings. The same behavior can trigger very different reactions if you’re lost in your head. I’ll give you an example:

I was saying goodbye to a girl I was kind of/sorta/almost seeing for a while and she put her hands in the pockets of my trench coat when we stood outside my car. We were standing in a middle-school slow dance pose chatting, when I paused for a moment, looked down, and said, “Hey, I sent a man away for putting his hand in my pocket.” To which she replied, “Yeah, but you like me.” We proceed to kiss goodbye and I drove away. It was all very simple and sweet, damn cute I’d say.

The man that I mentioned to her, trespassed into creepy territory. I was at a nightclub and I gave the bastard a chance by letting him dance with me. And to my surprise he was decent (for a club dancer) and he even bought me a drink.

I’d never had someone buy me a drink before, and I haven’t since. He continued hanging around me, which was fine, after all, I did let him dance with me and buy me alcohol. But then he put his hand in the pocket of my dress. Excuse me! Those are my pockets. Mine! Put your arm around my shoulder or waist, fine, but don’t put your hand in my pocket, mediocre looking man I’ve just met. I lifted his hand up and said, “You can’t just put your hand in my pocket.” And he said, “But I bought you a drink.” And I said “Yeah, and thank you. But you still can’t put your hand in my pocket.” Then he huffed and puffed away and eventually was groping on a super skanky chick. Creepy.

Ultimately the behavior was the same – hands in pockets – the difference was the rapport.

The final type of behavior in these situations is creepy-esque. Basically it’s taking what would be seen as creepy and blowing it up to satirical proportions. Be warned, not everyone has the personality or skill to pull this off. It really is a talent you’re born with, and can only be practiced on people who actually like you as a human being. Otherwise – you’ll have no friends.

I have some friendships that are founded on my being creepy-esque and them playing the straight card. I’ll hug them, whisper sweet nothings in their ear, and they’ll stand there like I just put a gun to their head. Everyone laughs, and we go on our merry ways. Other friends will dish the creepy-esque right back – quickly those friendships turn into a competitive, top that bitch, type of bond. And there are some people who I wouldn’t be anything but cute and socially polite for, why?, because I understand our rapport and they couldn’t handle the creepy side of my persona.

Are you/they being cute or creepy is a question that can easily be asked daily, both in romantic and platonic situations. It’s amazing to me how many people don’t understand the nature (and beauty for that matter) of various forms of friendships and bonds.

So are you cute or creepy? The answers gotta be, “Yes.”

Of the Creeper at the Doorway


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My roomie and I were talking about life, love, success, food, old friends, sweat pants, basically anything and everything, when we heard a pounding at our door.

First – it was about midnight.

Second – we rarely get visitors without pre-planning.

We live in one of those apartment complex’s where there’s no lobby or indoor hallway. We’re set up like a motel surrounded by trees. Basically, our building really wanted to become an edgy cabin but failed in its execution. Our apartment is on the top-level in the corner where our door and the neighbors form a perfect 90 degree angle. Now, since they get more visitors than us, we normally assume that the banging is on their door. Tonight the knocking was for us …

I went up to the door first and peered through the peep-hole. I saw a stout man about my height, wearing a seashell choker necklace (very 90s of him), and knocking on the door in a fist-pumping-Jersey-Shore-fashion. He then began to repeat the phrase, “Open up” several times. Quickly, I motioned for my roomie. She hesitantly made her way towards the peep-hole.


This is the closest image I could find (Click image to view source)

You see, my roomie has an unusual fear of leaning up against doors, windows, and things of a similar nature in high pressure situations. When she was a kid she watched Scream (the original). The bathroom scene, where the girl leans up against the stall to try to hear what’s going on only to end up with a knife in her head, has left a residual worry in my roomie’s heart that she too could end up with a knife in the head. Anyways, she didn’t recognize him either.

Then he left.

About 5 minutes later he came back doing the exact same thing, yelling at us to open up, banging on the door like an angry man whom we had somehow wronged.

Then he left.

We were freaking out, ALL my roomie wanted to do was get her laundry, but we were both not comfortable with the her going outside alone or us leaving the apartment unattended. Eventually we called the campus police, who transferred us to the city police, who took our report and said that a police officer was going to stop by. I threw my hands up to my face slightly chuckling at the whole ordeal, I really didn’t want to deal with police. My roomie kept on saying how bad she’d feel if he just had the wrong apartment or something, but maybe now she could have an escort to the laundry room.

Simba Pouncing Lesson

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I’ve never been hesitant when looking through my window or peep-hole until tonight. I moved with caution, I felt like Simba during the scene in The Lion King where Mufasa teaches him how to pounce, quiet, steady, steady.

He never came back. Maybe he gave up or maybe he found his friends.

Then the police never showed up.

Oh, we got a phone call, saying that an officer circled and didn’t see anybody lurking. But, they NEVER asked what he looked like. I find that highly peculiar, I would think they would want to know who they were looking for so that some poor Joe smoking a cigarette or hanging out on the lawn wouldn’t become a suspect of creeping around our apartment. All they knew was that a man scared us.

I don’t think I’m in danger, I found the whole thing creepy, and I’m disappointed in the police officers who didn’t even bother to see if we were safe or okay.

Of Gagaween

It’s eerie how much this girl, Hilly Hindi, looks like Lady Gaga. The first time I watched it I didn’t watch the credits and I was fooled. Then when I watched it again I thought, why is Gaga suddenly much prettier? Why does she normally make herself look so ugly? That’s when I realized that it wasn’t her. But damn it’s creepy and very Gagalike.

There is a truth to this video.

Hilly Hindi portrays a Gaga you can’t hide from, she is also super creepy and has a slew of followers (Little Monsters) that don’t question her. I’m sick of Lady Gaga with her manifestos, preaching mentality, and overall attitude. I’m all for originality and creativity but the second album is simply a Madonna album with different lyrics. The only song that I like off her new album that I’ve heard thus far is You and Me.

She’s no longer using her image to enhance her music, rather she uses it to shock and gain more followers. I feel like she’s got lost in her image, the Gaga from her The Fame album is VERY different and made MUCH better music than the Born This Way Gaga.