Of Ugly Male Ponytails

Check out this “beautiful” hairstyle.

Ugly Man Ponytail

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I see this style of ponytail on at least three men a week. What I can’t figure out is why this hairstyle is appealing. If you understand or think that this is an attractive look please speak up in the comments section and try to sway my opinion.

From what I gather, these men aren’t actually balding – but they really wish they were. So they took tips from sumo wrestlers, bad comb overs, and Donald Trump. Then proceeded to fashion their hair into a makeshift toupee. The stylish rat-tail dangling towards their neck serving as a whimsical touch. The tail also provides much-needed proof that their hair is not fake should they find the ladies are turned off but their “balding” appearance, and ponytail toupee resting upon their head.

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Of Showering in the Movies

Psycho Shower

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Picture any shower scene in any movie ever made. Odds are it’s a pretty girl, probably blond, guaranteed to be skinny, highly attractive, and humming some tune while she washes her hair or lathers her body using a loofah. There’s also a strong possibility the first shower scene you think of is from a horror movie. This makes sense, considering that at that moment in time people are quite literally naked and vulnerable.

Now here’s what bothers me – how the girl washes her hair. It’s simply not logical.

She almost always faces the water. Most people face away, you know, to avoid the whole shampoo in the eyes effect. Sure, they might face the falling water when lathering their hair, but they turn around when it comes time to rinse.

In efforts to increase the sex appeal and vulnerability, that is typically involved with the showering experience, movies and television shows seem to enjoy making the girl’s behavior sexy rather than normal. It’s not the sexy that annoys me, by all means, be sexy. I will very VERY rarely judge someone for their sexiness, more specifically, how they use their sexiness. It simply bother’s me whenever I watch a shower scene.

Yes, there are exceptions where the girl has normal showering habits, but let’s be honest. The majority of the time there’s no logic behind the scene, it’s used to be sexy, build suspense, or heighten an emotional moment.

Of Curly Hair Strife

Comb Curly Hair

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The curly-haired society is deprived of a simple joy – brushing your hair. As a child, your mom brushes your hair, and it brings you closer. As an adult, you brush your hair, and it is going to turn into the world’s largest frizball, lifeless mess, or gross fro to ever exist. This is why very few, and I stress few, curly-haired folk comb their hair.

When the subject of combing hair comes up I’ve had straight-haired  folk actually be stunned that I don’t take a brush to my head often.

“It’s not healthy!” they’ll stress, convinced my roots are super unhealthy.

“Really?” they’ll question, confused that I don’t worry about knots or rat nests.

“Lucky,” they’ll remark, jealous that I don’t have to deal with a hairbrush when getting ready.

I know people who don’t even own a brush. Personally, I have a brush, only one – a fold up pocket/mirror brush I got in Florida at Ron Jon’s Surf Shop. At my parents I had a shower comb that I would sometimes use to get knots out, I rarely actually brush my hair.

The other day, I got out of the shower, and decided to bust out my one and only hair combing device for the first time in I don’t even know how long. The little plastic nubs grazed my scalp. It was miraculous, like angels were massaging my brain. I swear the world stood still, an off stage chorus boomed as the lights dimmed to find me in a spotlight, center stage. I had no idea that this pleasure even existed. It was like my roots just fell in love and joy swept over my hair.

Naturally, my hair did not look as good as it normally does when I normally fix it. It was dull and lifeless, thus requiring clips to give the illusion of body.

My hair is not magical like my besty Erin’s, whose hair looks perfect no matter what she does with it, even if I shower at night I have to wet my hair in the morning because it is finicky. But with this new-found discovery of sex for my scalp, on those nights some serious brushing is going to occur. I’ll take my sweet time.

Of Big Hair With a Little Face

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Attention people (mostly men) with narrow heads.

Please stop growing out your poofy hair.

And find a hair style that amplifies your beauty instead of giving you the appearance of a cartoon character.

It makes you look disproportioned and awkward.

It also makes you look super young.

And it gives me cause to make fun of you in my head.

That is all!