Stretching is arguably the worst activity in the world, I loathe it fiercely.
I’ll never be flexible. Even as an awkward nine-year-old ballerina I wasn’t able to touch my toes, and I still can’t. Well, I could, if I wanted to be in severe and uncomfortable pain – but only for a moment.
When I was younger someone told me that if I slept sitting up and leaned forward over crossed legs (criss cross applesauce style) that I would wake up flexible – I believed them. Several nights I tried this technique, but for some mysterious reason I could never fall asleep like that. So I gave up.
A few years later I tried to do an eighties work out video with Sister that focused on stretching techniques and promised flexibility. The video basically had us bob up and down from the waist in various positions. I remember thinking that this would work. But alas, it failed.
People always say, “You just need to stretch every day, then you’ll be flexible.” Yeah, I tried that and it’s a steaming pile of lies. I even took yoga for a quarter, I still wasn’t able to bend over at the waist and comfortably touch my toes. On a side note, I got a C in yoga, which is truly pathetic.
I wish I was flexible. It’d be lovely to be able to twist my body into a pretzel and not cry out in agony. I’m sure if I was diligent I could reach a point where I could almost touch my toes with my legs straight in front of me. But as I said, I truly hate stretching.
I’ve accepted my fate as the not-so-bendy Sarah.