Of Them Lipsticks

Hello, my name is Sarah, I'm a human.

I always hear lipstick lesbians whine about people’s idiocy in assuming they are straight. They receive comments such as:

  •  “You’re gay? But you’re so pretty!”

And the ever classic.

  • “You could get a man if you wanted to.”

And of course the always appreciated.

  • “You just haven’t met the right man yet.”

And lastly (said by men).

  • “Sleep with me I’ll make you straight.”

Personally I’ve never encountered such remarks. Course, I also don’t walk around broadcasting my gaiety, plus I’m truthful with most that if a man happened to sweep me off my feet all Disney Princess style, then I would happily be with him (I guess that makes me pansexual – yes, that is a thing). Granted I do have rainbow earrings and a necklace, I also have a pin on my backpack, but honestly that’s about it. I figure, ah hell, if I were straight I wouldn’t have to say: “Hello, my name is Sarah, I’m a heterosexual.” I figure the opposite should really be true and thus I abide by the cliché live and let be.

Not long ago I did get my first “wait what?” remark. Honestly part of me was immensely thrilled in the same way I was when I got my first troll comment on this here blog. She didn’t mean anything by it, clearly she was delusional enough to think that lesbians only have short hair, dress like Ellen DeGeneres, and play rugby. To think that the girl with long crazy hair, rocking a floral dress, and saltwater sandals had something in common with the “ugly” dykes she saw holding hands and making out in the corner was unthinkable.

Apparently one of her friends occasionally makes out with their – not her’s – les friend (the story was  longer than that, but honestly it was a boring typical drunken college heteroflexible charade).

“I just don’t understand lesbians,” she said.

“I’m a lesbian,” I said. I wasn’t offended, I just found the whole conversation funny. That sparked a severe case of what I refer of Triple S – Silly Sorry Syndrome – basically unnecessary apologizes that go on repeatedly for far too long. And the guys would try to get me to make out with other chicks – that I do find annoying – I don’t want people to experiment on me for the sake of attracting men.

Ultimately her last comment was, “At least you’re a cute lesbian.”

Haha, good to know.