Of How to Handle a Wrong Number

Wrong Number - All That

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I feel your pain. It’s not your fault your new phone number was someone else’s old number. You’re sick of getting all these phone calls for Jeffery WhatsHisName. You just wanna be loved. You long hear that beautiful ringtone, pick it up, say hello, and be invited to go to the bar with your bestie. But you can’t have this, thanks some dude named Jeffery and all of his damn friends, family members, and appointments. It’s frustrating I know, but it’ll be okay. Eventually the world will figure out that you are not who they are seeking.  Give it a little bit of time and ALL your phone calls will be for you.

That’s just how things work (#CommonSense).

There are many things I just have little patience for: people going under the speed limit, crocs, action movies, abruptly cancelling plans, velvet. Even so, what tests my calm demeanor the most is pointless jackassery. If someone’s gonna be a jerk to me, I should at least have done something to deserve it.

Here’s how NOT to speak to someone who calls you seeking someone else:

  1. Letting out the world’s longest sigh and stating, “Ugh, wrong number,” with a hint of teenage angst in your voice. I can see you rolling your eyes through the phone.
  2. Simply hanging up. Rude, I’m just gonna assume the call got dropped and try again. You’re just making yourself more pissed off.
  3. Yelling. Clearly this is the fifth time this has happened to you today. Not my fault.
  4. Telling me, “Tell your friend to have people stop calling this number.” I greatly dislike when strangers give me orders. And even with the world’s largest Facebook post, not everyone will get the message.

Here’s how to speak to someone who calls you seeking someone else:

  1. Some form of this conversation should go down:
    • “You got the wrong number.”
    • “Oh, sorry.”
    • “No worries, bye.”
    • “Bye.”

Is being polite, then saying goodbye to a stranger, really too much to ask?

Of … Really?

Stupid People Quotes

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It’s common knowledge (at least amongst my friends) that I have a low tolerance for stupid people. If you can’t articulate even a simple sentence, you don’t understand sarcasm/wit, or you get confused by automatic hand dryers – then we can’t be friends. It’s nothing personal, it’s just that I can’t handle being around your stupidity for longer than absolutely necessary.

Today I was asked, “Is the 12:10 Ice Age a morning or an afternoon show?” Really??? Is that an honest question? Or is this a co-worker trying to be funny? 

For a moment I was sitting there stunned, “It’s an afternoon,” I answered.

“Okay thanks,” they said.

*click*

I still can’t believe I was asked that question in the first place. I wonder if it occurred to them that an afternoon show implies that the film starts after, wait for it, noon. In this case it was a whole ten minutes after noon. People are amazingly idiotic sometimes. If that person was the babysitter, they should probably be fired for not knowing how to read a clock. And if they were a parent, I’m sad that they produced offspring. Hopefully their child will be able to understand that the defining moment between morning and noon is when the clock chimes twelve times – or if your phone has a little PM near the time.