Of Procrastination and Luck

Procrastination Club

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Every success I’ve had can stem back to two aspects of my reality: procrastination and luck.

I procrastinate everything, and it doesn’t seem to matter how important it is. Student loans are due in two months, essay due tomorrow morning, need to write a new blog post, get an oil change, maybe go on a date, transfer the funds to pay my car loan off, find a job, do my laundry, send my best friend in New York his Christmas present (yeah I still haven’t done that, sorry Joe, but I do have it, in fact, I’m currently sitting in front of it – you’ll get it eventually).

So why am I not homeless?

Because I’m one lucky bitch. Honestly, there’s no other explanation, besides my natural sense of intelligence, and the ability to compartmentalize my emotions so I can handle the sense of doom that occurs when one has 45 minutes to write a 10 page paper. Mostly though, I’m just lucky.

I lucked into school: I’m awful at standardized tests, seriously horrid, but I managed to get into a school with my shitty scores. I applied for a whopping two schools without doing much research on either, and I got into one of them. I only applied to schools because my mother was more or less standing over my shoulder. And that my friends, is how I ended up at a Christian college surrounded by Amish country for a year and a half – it’s also where I met the aforementioned Joe.

I lucked into a job: Student loans were due in like three weeks, and my only source of income was still the movie theater – not sufficient. So I applied for a sales position at a radio station. I didn’t get it. I applied for a job as a resume consultant, I was scheduled for my second interview when the guy got sick. Just as he got sick and thus unable to interview me, I was able to start the radio job after all. Crazy. Who knows if I could have gotten the other job, that’s still a mystery.

I lucked into writing stories: I’ve always been a half-assed writer. I love writing, I do. Once I start I’m all sorts of gung ho! But starting a story, whew, takes me ages. So unless I have a deadline, I never start anything. Even when I do have a deadline, I wait until I have just barely enough time and I type like the wind. Somehow my stories are good, character’s make sense, and considering it’s a first draft that I did not have the time to revise. It’s pretty damn good. Now if I ever stopped procrastinating, in theory, I could be awesome.

But now that I’m an adult and the world expects me to support myself with a livable wage – I need to stop procrastinating, like, now – or maybe tomorrow.

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Of Doing Just Good Enough

Test

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From childhood, those of us who are lucky are told that we have the power to succeed in anything we do. It’s a sweet sentiment, course, I never did become a dolphin trainer or learn to do a cart-wheel – but if I really wanted to, I could succeed at each task.

As I’ve gotten older, the simplistic mentality of everything’s possible has changed. At least for me.

Instead of craving for success, chasing that dream, or daring to take a chance. I just try to not fail. I find that, “just don’t fail,” is all the motivation I need to get out of bed in the morning – albeit a little late.

Not failing was made me an A/B student instead of an A student. It’s why I do okay at work, but I’m not the best employee ever. It’s what keeps me skinny, but not in shape. It’s why I can swim well enough to not die, but you won’t see me swimming across a lake.

If I had the energy, or truly cared, then I would focus on success and being my absolute best. But for now, I’m content to just not fail at stuff.

Of a One-Track Mind

Now, based off the title a lot of people are going to assume the following words are going to revolve around sex. It’s understandable, but not what this is about. Sorry. I’ll talk about sex later – I promise.

This

Girl doing Homework

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Versus

Supernatural Screenshot

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Number Two is the Winner!

A one-track mind is a blessing and a curse. Say I need to get my clean on, an assignment is due in twenty minutes, or crashing the car is not an option. In all these cases having a highly focused mind on one activity is positive, preferable even. I’m afraid that the negatives tend to out way the good, at least currently in my life.

Lately my brain will be focused on one of the two tracks that most frequent my thinking-sphere: success and entertainment. Unfortunately these two trains never seem to be able to occupy my mind at the same time.

When I get on a success kick it’s literally all I care about. I don’t want to hear about your petty boy problems, listen to tales of your children, or even what you’re making for dinner. The only thing that concerns me is not failing at life (I have many a friend that can testify to this). I go heavy into research mode searching for internships, entry-level positions, and jobs for after graduation. I hoard hours at work, beg people to give me shifts and refusing to leave if they try to cut me early. Basically, my resume and money is what matters.

Now, if I could maintain the success kick I would be in a great place, career wise. However, a need to giggle with friends, dance, and be merry eventually creeps up and knocks my success train off the tracks, temporarily. This is where the need for entertainment takes over. I lose my drive regarding school work, I hang out with friends more than usual, suddenly have a dating life, and watch way too much TV. Everyone knows I love television, hell I better considering I want to work in television. When the need for entertainment takes over it’s not just watching anything and everything or never being home. I get engrossed into one particular show, and I usually hang out in the evening with other living beings.

As I said, one-track mind. This time around it’s Supernatural, I’ve been watching that show pretty much whenever I’m not at work. When it’s time to be focused and do homework (i.e. succeed at life) I find myself watching Supernatural while playing four-suit spider solitaire. It’s an amazing show, clever, well-written, and way more interesting than what I’m supposed to be doing. In fact, it’s the type of show I would love to be a part of creating.

Try as I might, it’s not easy to force myself onto the success train till graduation. Somehow I get my work done. Miraculous.

Supernatural gif image

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Of Finals and Drive

Finals Week

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Finals suck! I repeat FINALS SUCK!!

Can I get an amen? Can I? CAN I?

Please excuse my mellow dramatic written behavior. But every human being who has been educated on any level will agree with that statement.

What is even more unfortunate is that every single professor decides to make large assignments due in unison of the accumulative tests. All this does is make the students lives more stressful.

Not very nice professors … I’m just saying.

Often it seems like we are doing nothing in my classes, at least in terms of turning in assignments. We sit in class, listen to lectures, take notes, and participate in discussions. But come the end of the quarter professors seem to have coerced with their fellow faculty and decide to make literally everything due at the same time. I’m failing to understand why professors don’t spread out their assignments more evenly. I mean surely it would make their grading load lighter … right?

Now if I still had academic drive at this point. This would not be a big deal. I would sit down and just do it. However my drive falls dangerously low after midterms, which results in me watching TV, browsing Facebook, playing solitaire, or anything other than writing those damn papers.

I’ve been so busy avoiding my to do list that I haven’t had the time to update this blog for about twelve days. And honestly I probably shouldn’t be on this website either. I should be focusing on Mina Loy and her hypocritical, body obsessed, futuristic concepts of motherhood. Or rereading Waiting For Godot. Or skimming over boring theory of what makes art art. Apparently I’m a lazy English major, but when I do the work I always do it exceptionally well. Often what I’ve thrown together in two hours is equal too and sometimes better than the work of my fellow students who have spent days preparing and hours upon hours working. Whereas in my world, computer card games, TV on DVD, and socializing have become my priorities.

Thankfully I am the master at bull shitting my way through written assignments.

And if I have enough coffee in my blood I can get anything done.

Two more weeks and this quarter will be done!

Then I party guilt free!