Of Wanting to Stay Under Covers


Click image to view source.

Waking up is the hardest part of my day.

Who would have thought that working seven days a week, going Blues Dancing on Thursday and Friday nights, and occasionally going clubbing on a Saturday would make me a zombie during my workday. It’s no wonder my body doesn’t want to move at 7AM. I find it highly surreal when I’m up and moving, but my breathing pattern is still that of a deep slumber – slow and steady.

Plus, it’s not helpful that I’ve never been a morning person.

So I’m tired. But I’ve always been tired. My whole existence I’ve had the tendency to run myself as thin as possible. But once I get enough coffee in my system and start moving around, I usually perk up. And as long as I get at least 6 hours of sleep, I’m able to function with epic skill. I used to be alert on just 3 hours, sigh, getting old.

Then there’s days like today.

Today I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to go to work. I don’t even want to dance. All I want is to cuddle with a pretty girl while watching musicals and drinking coffee/tea/milk/beer/juice/cider/wine – whatever tasty beverage that’s around will do.

Is that too much to ask?

Of Coffee With a Side of Coffee

Girl holding two coffees

Click image to view source.

The joy of being a Washingtonian falls into two main categories: coffee and scenery. The scenery is constantly beautiful. In the summer everything is still green, and it’s still breathtaking even when the winter brings clouds of gray. But the coffee, oye, you gotta be careful about that.

There’s several reasons to drink coffee: morning cup, pick-me-up, mid-day, pulling an all-nighter, before dinner, after dinner, romantic date, platonic get together, tough day, long drive, entertaining guests, the list goes on. The typical Washingtonian drinks coffee on a daily basis for any number of reasons, and many of us rely on that morning cup for sanity. Or my personality in a cup as I often say.

But nothing is worse than undoing caffeine’s hard work.

This happens on occasion. I drink my morning cup and the day is going swell. I’m awake, chipper, and feeling extra witty. But during either a break between plans or at work I accidentally fall asleep for 10-20 minutes. This puts me right back to where I started. I’m groggy, cranky, my personality is gone, and all I want to do is to fall back asleep. It feels like I only got an hour of sleep the night before instead of eight. Like I never had coffee. Like I just rolled out of bed. I cannot stress enough how much it sucks starting the day twice.

Day’s like that turn into a constant flow of coffee if taking a long nap is not an option. The normal one cup turns into two, then three, all because I fell asleep for a few minutes mid-day.

Of the Sleeping Schedule Myth

Girl sleeping

Click image to view source

When I graduated college I bought into this myth that I would develop a normal or at least constant sleeping schedule. I was under the impression that not having homework would mean that I would not have to stay up till 3AM only to wake up at 8AM. Lies. Filthy, curse you Satan, lies. If anything I’ve gotten worse. For instance, last night I was up till 5ish in the morning, and tomorrow I have to work at 8:30AM. But I’m still going to go to Blues in Canada tonight.

At least when I was in school I had a set time that I had to be alive and functioning (or sitting in a desk pretending I was interested). Yes, I had to stay up late for school. And yes, I had to work a part-time job that often meant not getting home until midnight. I had excuses.

Now my reason for being tired when I open at work are far less impressive.

I went from saying, “I’m so fucking tired. I didn’t get to sleep until 3:30AM because I had to finish this damn fiction story. I’m still not completely satisfied with the piece but it’s turned in on time and that’s what matters. Then I had to read 50 pages for my lit class and finish programming a web page for my CSS project.” – I sound super smart.

To saying, “I only got like 4 hours of sleep, but at least I had an awesome time dancing tonight. Totally worth it … when does the coffee shop open?” – this one I’ll probably say until I lose my ability to dance, and I’m fine with that.

Or saying, “Oh my God I’m so sleepy. I only got like 3 hours of sleep because I got sucked into to watching Charmed on Netflix and I had to know what happened to Cole and Phoebe.” – damn you Netflix and my addiction to television shows (especially one’s that center around magic or fantasy)!

I guarantee you that tomorrow, about 4:30PM. I’ll get home from work, pass out, and wake up when I should be going to bed in the first place.

Maybe when I get a real job I’ll sleep like a normal person.



Of the Downside of Falling Asleep

Girl With Facemask

Click image to view source

I absolutely loathe getting ready for bed, it seems like such a useless activity. All that effort just to what? Pass out and perhaps have a dream or two? It’s silly really.

I’ve always been envious of those who can just fall asleep after splashing water on their face (maybe using a bar of soap) and brushing their teeth. It’s simply not fair. I’ve got my mother’s skin, this means that I’ll be prone to acne for the rest of my life. Over time I’ve learned to control it (most of the time), and words cannot express how talented I am at doing my make-up. I may not do the fancy eyes thing but my foundation skills are top-notch.

I’m also cavity prone despite that I don’t eat an outrageous amount of sugar, brush, floss, and rinse with ACT mouthwash (as suggested by my dentist). This is also not fair. If I start to fall asleep before my nightly routine, or wake up around 2AM after an unplanned nap, I swear I can feel zits forming and cavities burrowing away at my molars. It’s a nasty feeling. Like little semi-dull needles trying to poke out of my face and The Seven Dwarfs hacking at my teeth searching for jewels.

Often I end up getting ready for bed between 2AM and 4AM – this is typically because of my avoidance of the process or pure exhaustion. Even when I’ve been overcome with fatigue all day. When I’m so tired I’m constantly grumbling and whining about how tired I am. When ALL I want is to go to sleep early. Somehow I look at the clock and it’s 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5AM. Then the thought of getting ready for bed is an increasingly dismal one, it’s about a 20 minute process that I never want to do. Sometimes I pass back out, wake up, then finally get ready for bed. Other times I force myself to get up and prepare for slumber.

I’m oh so proud of myself when I perform this hellish nightly routine before I reach the not-so-fun point of procrastinating sleep.

The point is, as much as I love to sleep, I hate getting ready for bed even more. Like, a lot.

Of Tiredness Taking Over

Me asleep

Me asleep

“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.” – 1 Corinthians 13:11 (NIV).

This verse has been in my head lately, I first heard it on a mission trip. I then heard roughly seven sermons on the subject.

It inspired me in the following way.


When I am tired, I look tired – the bags under my eyes gain a third grove and the soft skin darkens in color. Without makeup I look like a sickly patient just a few moments from death.

I conquer my exhaustion through fountains of caffeine. Coffee flows through my veins, pushing the blood aside as it pumps me full of energy. I take my makeup kit and begin to cover my flaws. First foundation, followed by spot covering blemishes with concealer, yellow goop to lighten the circles, flesh toned goop to even the tone, powder, mascara – I’m finished. But I still look tired. I’ll spend half the day checking the mirror trying to fix the bags under my eyes as makeup collects in the creases.

When I go to bed, I get distracted, despite how tired I’ve been throughout the day I watch Netflix, Hulu, On Demand. I listen to music, start cleaning, read a book. I start homework, procrastinate homework, and begin homework again.I fall asleep to Jimmy Fallon, Modern Family, or SNL. Silence makes my brain think, silence might let the nightmares return – let me dwell on the demons that have taunted my dreams for years.

When I wake up I’m still tired. I talk like a moody child, whine, and try to lift my head. I hit the alarm thirty times, roll out of bed and rush about to get ready to get ready for the day. If I had gotten up after the first ring I could have been on time. As it is – I’m late.

When I became a woman I got a little better, started to prioritize sleep, began to take naps. But my nightly routine was still a constant game of chicken against slumber. Regardless of who wins I end up the looser.

When I sleep I feel wonderful. But I still look tired. It doesn’t matter how much I sleep, or how bright and perky I feel. If it’s eight hours a night, daily nap, waking up naturally – I’ll always look tired. The bags under my eyes a constant physical mark of my years of abuse to my body, not letting myself sleep since birth.

I am a woman, but I’ve yet to put all of my childish ways behind me.

Of Dead Week

Click image to view source

Why isn’t Dead Week illegal?

I mean, it’s already dead right? So why does it get to torture me to the point of sleepless exhaustion where I too join its deadness by morphing into a zombie-like state?

It’s not fair. Until this point I was balancing my 18 credit course load and my 20-30 hour work week decently. I was actually on time for once, until about three weeks ago when the “bit off more than I could chew” effect started to creep in.

But now it’s here, dead week has arrived! Let’s NOT praise Jesus for this. I get to stay up till 4AM or 5AM almost every night doing homework (2AM is an early bed time – gross). And it’s not because I’m procrastinating, like I usually do, it’s because my time is under a microscope. Sighs. Curses.