Of Always the Entertainer

“Let me entertain you, let me make you smile.” – Gypsy, Stephen Sondheim

Nicolas Cafe Valentine

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Valentine’s Day is the ultimate holiday of emotional abuse – at least, commercially. It’s the day that puts extreme pressure on those in a relationship whilst beating up the singletons with an emotional whip. No matter where you are in your love life – Valentine’s Day is gonna get you. It’s essentially the sniper of holidays.

As a single person, there are two types of advertisements that are geared in my direction:

  1. You are a strong independent female, you don’t need a man, not like those other weak girls with boyfriends. Pssh! Girl power!
  2. You are clearly desperate, lonely, and in need of some good lovin’. Here’s how to power through the day until your sad soul finds a man to make you complete.

The common thread here? Men are awful, BUT you kinda need one to be your best self. Not only do I not relate to these male focused ads because I’m a lesbian, but also because I disagree with HOW the men are supposed to function. They are either dooming the women, by making them be less than they are. Or they’ll rescuing the women, by pulling them out of their despair and into the light. Neither seems like a healthy start to a relationship, at least, not to me.

Here’s what I want in a partner: someone who will put on a show with me.
Silly, simple, and slightly nonsensical isn’t it?

I find that because I have a loud personality, a lot of the dates I go on feel like a performance. Which is not a fun feeling. I don’t enjoying having to interview someone in order to have a conversation.

In short, it often feels like this:

The women I’ve truly been smitten by have put on a show with me. The conversation flows easily and it’s clear that this person wouldn’t pull me down, nor life me up, they’d meet me in the middle.

Which, in my opinion, is how it should work. Of course people will have their ups and downs – that’s just common sense.┬áBut if you’re gonna be with someone, they should be your equal. Not your savior or your baggage.

So to the currently yoked people.

  • Ignore the advertisements, you don’t need to spend a thousand dollars or whisk your partner away to paradise island. Just spend the evening together and dim the lights.

To the single people.

  • If you’re struggling, call your friends and celebrate yourselves. Bake something, play a game, build a fort, and just have fun.
  • If you’re not struggling, then you already know what to do. ­čÖé

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Of My February 14th’s

LOVE

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February 14th has never been a day that I truly cared about. In all honesty, I usually forget about the holiday until it’s actually the day of (maybe the day before). I have exactly four Valentine’s Day’s that stand out in my memory.

  1. My junior year of high school a boy who liked me brought a bouquet of roses to my front door. I accepted them, gave him a quick hug, and retreated back into my house. I was incredibly embarrassed because now I would have to explain how I got flowers to my parents. My family does not frequently discuss dating, hormones, or feelings so he put me in, what I deemed as, a really awkward position.
  2. Two years ago my boyfriend at the time made me dinner. It was a beautiful dinner, I believe there was shrimp and I LOVE shrimp. But when I was on my way to make coffee I broke my French Press. I was so distraught I started crying and I almost let it ruin the dinner.
  3. Last year I didn’t realize it was Valentine’s Day and my ex-boyfriend came over. Well, intimacy occurred and then we started talking. I was being very honest, explaining how the way he handled things was wrong. I’ll spare you the stupid details. So, then I had a naked man crying in my bed for about an hour… unfortunately that was not the first time he’d cried in my bed. By this point I no longer felt sympathy for his tears. Especially since in this case they weren’t justified.
  4. This year I did nothing for the Day of the Cupid. I went to school, visited my grandparents who made dinner for the whole family, then I went over to Erin’s and watched a “scary” TV show called The River. I still don’t think it was all that scary… they screamed, I laughed, they jumped, I rolled my eyes. That’s usually how it goes when I watch scary programs with other women.

    But the reason why I mark this as one of my four Valentine’s to remember is that while last year I had a naked man crying in my bed, this year I was single and gay. The changes that occurred in a year fascinate me and make this a Valentine’s worth remembering. Maybe next year I’ll have a lady friend, maybe not, at least within this last year I figured out more of who I am. Who knows what I’ll discover by next Valentine’s.

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What I miss is the shoe box Valentine’s that we had in elementary school. Maybe next year I’ll throw a shoe box Valentine’s Day party. Give everybody a sense of nostalgia. But the people who freak out about Valentine’s Day are not invited – they annoy me and I don’t understand them.