Of No Coffee Mornings

Today a nightmare happened – I didn’t have time to make coffee before work. Gasp, shudder, tears! all the tears!

Basically like this, but with less dancing:

Without a little personality-in-a-cup to supply some joy, the morning stretched on and on. No coffee morning’s are the worst, and the free tea in the office is not a satisfactory substitute. It’s not awful just because I’m a caffeine junkie. Or because I did not go to bed at a decent time, so the fact that I woke up at all is a miraculous achievement.

Coffee equals sanity. It allows for brief moments of me time before diving back into the detail focused office atmosphere.

But on my lunch break, I made some coffee, and now my insides feel like this:

My jumping off a haystack.

Me jumping off a haystack.

 

 

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Of 25 Years of Knowledge!

Lighting the Candle

Lighting the Candle

Today is my 25th birthday, which means I’m due for a quarter-life-crisis anytime now.  Most importantly, I can officially rent a car anywhere in the United States without being forced to pay extra extensive fees. My last God-given American right till I can get Senior Discount.

Over the last 25 years I have come to acquire much knowledge, 25 of those nuggets of wisdom are listed below.

Mime smoking the candle

Mime smoking the candle

Enjoy:

  • Always get paid to go to the bathroom when at work. It’s strangely satisfying. Don’t go on your break.
  • Being rejected sucks, but it’s better than pining.
  • There’s no such thing as Sunday’s best. You can wear nice clothes whenever the Hell you want.
  • God doesn’t hate people. God loves people. So whoever, or whatever your God, or lack of God is – just be happy.
  • In terms of coming out, there is no “right” place to be, go at your own pace.
  • Whales are the best creatures, but they shouldn’t be held in giant salty bathtubs.
  •  You’re never too old for children’s movies.
  • Dance is the best thing ever.
  • “It is perfectly acceptable to watch TV all day,” Nick Miller (New Girl).  I concur, so long as it’s not EVERYDAY.
This is kinda burning my face.

This is kinda burning my face.

  • Don’t be a hipster. Just…. don’t. It’s not cool to complain that other people are only just now discovering something awesome – it’s douchey.
  • Do what you have to do, don’t let pride get in the way of moving forward. Like, if you need a job but can’t find anything other than fast food – take it and keep looking for something better.
  • Don’t waste time on one-way friendships (aka, when you do all of the work and they constantly bail or cancel on you). In the end, it’s never worth it.
  • There’s no need for closet fandom. Don’t be ashamed of your tastes.
  • Go on mini adventures.
  • It’s super lame when people have to get drunk in order to have the balls to do something.
  • A pent-up kiss is a dangerous catalyst.
  • When hiking make sure to venture off the standard path. See what happens when you make your way through the brush, maybe you’ll find a hidden paradise.
  • Cliff jumping is terrifying but exciting.
Wax burned my hand

Wax burned my hand

  • Long distance friendships are difficult to maintain but they make for lasting friendships – texting and Facebook help. As an added bonus of your long-distance BFF, you’ll always have someone to gossip with, since most likely they will never actually meet any of the people you talk about. Or if they ever do visit, they’ll already know so much about your buddies that they’ll act like old friends. It’s a win-win.
  • You can make any summer dress into a winter dress by adding leggings, a jacket, and boots. Fact.
  • Truly hating someone or holding a grudge is a wasted emotion. Channel that angst somewhere more productive and less bitchy.
  • If you need help, ask for it.
  • People have way more sex on TV than any single person I have ever known in real life.
  • No matter how embarrassing, awful, or weird the event was – at least now you got a great story.
  • Embrace whatever phase of life you’re in. Before you know it, everything will change again, and all you’ll have left of right now is some memories – and maybe a trinket or two.
Bye bye candle

Bye bye candle

*Sorry, I was forced to use bullet points because it wouldn’t let me insert the pictures without restarting the numbers from zero. But I swear there’s 25 things – count if ya don’t trust me 🙂

Of Attempting Success

Me Being Awsome

“Do what you have to do.” – Sarah Luna (aka ME!)

I’ve never been one to say, “Here’s my super challenging goal, and dammit if I don’t succeed.”

I’m much more likely to say, “What I’m doing right now is no longer working, I think it’s time for a change.”

When it’s time for that change, I move quickly. I’m often surprised by how much I can accomplish when actually I put in the time and effort. I know, shocking right? Then once I’m at a place where I’m comfortable again, I’ll stay there, until I have to move on. It’s a slow ladder, but it’s a happy ladder. And though I’m frequently less well-off than I’d like, I seem to do okay. I still have my friends, family, dance life, and I manage to eat. I still have my goals, my dreams, and my ever-increasing to-do list.

I’m great at doing what I have to do: If I need a job, I’ll get a job. If I need to write, I’ll write. If I need to get stronger, I’ll get stronger. And since the number one thing that pushes me to aim higher is a desire to not fail, here’s my current crossroads: I can either scrape by working one job but never have any sort of cushion, or I can put active effort into pursing my dreams of becoming working writer and look for some freelance writing jobs.

This is exactly what I’m doing. It’s just an added bonus that I also love what I’m doing. And truthfully, this blog post functions as a contract to both myself and anyone who enjoys my writing, that I will submit those applications and start writing that book that I’ll probably have to self publish.

I think all writers can agree that being a good writer is about more than stringing a bunch of words together to meet the criteria. It’s about diving in headfirst and hoping for the best.

So here’s to hoping for the best!

Of Storytime With Sarah

Flight of the Conchords

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There’s this thing that happens to me, a lot. Where people decide to tell me their entire life story upon exchanging initial hello’s. This fact has made the socially awkward humans latch onto me with remarkable skill.

For the most part, it’s fairly easy to evade the people who decide that now is the best possible time to tell me all about how they don’t have air conditioning in their truck and their pants are wet because they just went through a car wash (yeah … a car wash). But hey, the truck was free so maybe the heat’s not the end of the world. That swell story was told to me by a lady standing behind me at Rite Aid.

But when I’m in the work environment, there is no escape from these people (mostly men). I have to stand there and listen until work gets too busy to talk, or I get called away by another employee.

And while I’m certain that these stories were told to me with absolute confidence that I would hold my tongue, the reality is that I don’t know any of their names, so it’s about time these stories were published online where they can never be destroyed:

  • There was the guy who was in the midst of whining about how late women always are. And then decided that I’m obviously the world’s biggest sports fan. Proceeded to lift up his calf, roll up his pants, and show me his tattoo of the Yankee’s logo – which matched his hat.
  • There was the drunk guy who really wanted my phone number. Even though I said no, he chucked his phone at me. When I picked it up, I saw his calendar and said, “Man, I can’t give my phone number to someone who hands me their calendar screen!” He of course clumsily tried to fix it. “Nah man,” I said, “it’s too late.” He was drug away by his friend’s as he cried out my name until I was out of eyesight.
  • There’s a bunch of mother’s who decide that their rules are superior to the rules of the theater, so we should let their underage teenagers into a rated R movie. It’s pretty simple people. If you’re at least 17 – bring your id, or bring someone who’s 21 and over to sit and watch the damn movie with you. It’s not my fault you forgot your id, but I do enjoy watching you freak out about it and leave in a huff.
  • There was the guy who told me all about how he’s a Christian now and doesn’t want to hear any swearing.
  • There’s the nerdy high school boys who thought that my hair look like Princess Leia’s. I of course corrected them, because I did not have two buns on the side of my head. So they clarified that in that one scene, where she’s taken by Darth Vader on her own ship, she didn’t have her hair in the classic two buns. And that mine resembled it significantly.
  • There’s the lady who told me all about how she used to be a mistress to a married guy.
  • There’s this guy that frequently comes to watch children movies with coupons. Part way through the transaction he always says, “If I had my choice I’d watch something with lots of action in it.” – Even though those passes technically reflect only a dollar amount and could be used for a different movie than it’s promoting.
  • There was the guy who insisted that, “the difference between men who like men and men who like women is that men who like men don’t understand that men and women are different.”
  • There’s the little old lady who came to see Magic Mike and said, “I’m only watching it because I really like the soundtrack.”

Of Procrastination and Luck

Procrastination Club

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Every success I’ve had can stem back to two aspects of my reality: procrastination and luck.

I procrastinate everything, and it doesn’t seem to matter how important it is. Student loans are due in two months, essay due tomorrow morning, need to write a new blog post, get an oil change, maybe go on a date, transfer the funds to pay my car loan off, find a job, do my laundry, send my best friend in New York his Christmas present (yeah I still haven’t done that, sorry Joe, but I do have it, in fact, I’m currently sitting in front of it – you’ll get it eventually).

So why am I not homeless?

Because I’m one lucky bitch. Honestly, there’s no other explanation, besides my natural sense of intelligence, and the ability to compartmentalize my emotions so I can handle the sense of doom that occurs when one has 45 minutes to write a 10 page paper. Mostly though, I’m just lucky.

I lucked into school: I’m awful at standardized tests, seriously horrid, but I managed to get into a school with my shitty scores. I applied for a whopping two schools without doing much research on either, and I got into one of them. I only applied to schools because my mother was more or less standing over my shoulder. And that my friends, is how I ended up at a Christian college surrounded by Amish country for a year and a half – it’s also where I met the aforementioned Joe.

I lucked into a job: Student loans were due in like three weeks, and my only source of income was still the movie theater – not sufficient. So I applied for a sales position at a radio station. I didn’t get it. I applied for a job as a resume consultant, I was scheduled for my second interview when the guy got sick. Just as he got sick and thus unable to interview me, I was able to start the radio job after all. Crazy. Who knows if I could have gotten the other job, that’s still a mystery.

I lucked into writing stories: I’ve always been a half-assed writer. I love writing, I do. Once I start I’m all sorts of gung ho! But starting a story, whew, takes me ages. So unless I have a deadline, I never start anything. Even when I do have a deadline, I wait until I have just barely enough time and I type like the wind. Somehow my stories are good, character’s make sense, and considering it’s a first draft that I did not have the time to revise. It’s pretty damn good. Now if I ever stopped procrastinating, in theory, I could be awesome.

But now that I’m an adult and the world expects me to support myself with a livable wage – I need to stop procrastinating, like, now – or maybe tomorrow.

Of Saving Money

 

Tomorrow Land Jar

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If there’s one thing I’m truly terrible at in this world, other than sports and yoga, its saving money. I’ve never been good at letting my funds build before I go on a shopping spree. Or even giving myself enough of a cushion so that I’m not living paycheck to paycheck. Hell, with two jobs I’m still broke.

Granted I do have some legitimate things to pay for, such as school loans, car loan, insurance, and gas.  But any extra money tends to go towards coffee, dresses, beer, and dance cover fees.

Typically, I’ll come across three types of people:

  1. Those that are like me. Who are constantly going out, doing things that require money, shopping, and paying for others – they are also borderline broke.
  2. Or there are those who seem to have a magical bank account that never runs dry. With these folks, they might be living off their student loans. Or maybe working a part-time job with nothing to significant pay for.
  3. Or they are home bodies who don’t spend much money.

And while I can respect the financially savvy individual who is saving up each and every dollar. I’d rather live my life on the brink of brokeness. If I absolutely had to cut something out or my account would be overdrawn, I’d probably choose the beer and shopping. But I’m not about to give up coffee or dancing – not if I can squeeze out a few more pennies and afford to do what I love.

Broke Meme

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Of Doing Just Good Enough

Test

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From childhood, those of us who are lucky are told that we have the power to succeed in anything we do. It’s a sweet sentiment, course, I never did become a dolphin trainer or learn to do a cart-wheel – but if I really wanted to, I could succeed at each task.

As I’ve gotten older, the simplistic mentality of everything’s possible has changed. At least for me.

Instead of craving for success, chasing that dream, or daring to take a chance. I just try to not fail. I find that, “just don’t fail,” is all the motivation I need to get out of bed in the morning – albeit a little late.

Not failing was made me an A/B student instead of an A student. It’s why I do okay at work, but I’m not the best employee ever. It’s what keeps me skinny, but not in shape. It’s why I can swim well enough to not die, but you won’t see me swimming across a lake.

If I had the energy, or truly cared, then I would focus on success and being my absolute best. But for now, I’m content to just not fail at stuff.

Of the Reality of Sales

Einstein Quote

I think this justifies my messy desk at work. (Click image to view source).

If you didn’t know, I currently work as an advertising sales representative. Working as a sales rep immediately makes me the bad guy when I walk into most businesses. Sometimes they’ll magically disappear, start yelling, make up excuses, or my personal favorite – back away slowly and hope I don’t notice. Yeah, I’m going to notice. And if I’m told to come back in a month, I’m going to show up. Hell, if you mention your dog’s name, I’m going to remember. It’s literally my job to not forget.

But it isn’t always fun being treated like the gum on the bottom of a shoe. So many no’s get thrown at me in a day that when someone doesn’t say no, it’s like getting a high-five from Jesus. Course, not saying no does not mean yes, so that high-five often turns into a tease, and I end up hitting a wall instead.

There are four kinds of clients:

  1. The one whose afraid to tell me the truth because it might hurt my feelings.
  2. The one who is clearly better than I am and has no use for my services.
  3. The one who never is at the office.
  4. The one who says yes.

I figure the reality is eventually everyone might say yes. Or will say yes is a bit more optimistic. Still, my plight seems to remain the same, for every client gained, one starts to back away, and so goes the cycle.

With some people it doesn’t matter what I do. Their little faces become rigid, cold, and blank as they turn off their ears to what I’m actually saying. I could be offering them a free trip to stay at a castle in Spain and they would still accuse me of stealing their money. They don’t seem to grasp that I could help them. And they won’t, that is, until they are ready. Or until the right person comes along, with the perfect statistics, and makes them see that they need to do something to get their name out there. Jeez, who would have thought sales would be so similar to dating? I even get stood up at least once a week – go figure.

Of Wanting to Stay Under Covers

Buttercup

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Waking up is the hardest part of my day.

Who would have thought that working seven days a week, going Blues Dancing on Thursday and Friday nights, and occasionally going clubbing on a Saturday would make me a zombie during my workday. It’s no wonder my body doesn’t want to move at 7AM. I find it highly surreal when I’m up and moving, but my breathing pattern is still that of a deep slumber – slow and steady.

Plus, it’s not helpful that I’ve never been a morning person.

So I’m tired. But I’ve always been tired. My whole existence I’ve had the tendency to run myself as thin as possible. But once I get enough coffee in my system and start moving around, I usually perk up. And as long as I get at least 6 hours of sleep, I’m able to function with epic skill. I used to be alert on just 3 hours, sigh, getting old.

Then there’s days like today.

Today I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to go to work. I don’t even want to dance. All I want is to cuddle with a pretty girl while watching musicals and drinking coffee/tea/milk/beer/juice/cider/wine – whatever tasty beverage that’s around will do.

Is that too much to ask?

Of … Really?

Stupid People Quotes

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It’s common knowledge (at least amongst my friends) that I have a low tolerance for stupid people. If you can’t articulate even a simple sentence, you don’t understand sarcasm/wit, or you get confused by automatic hand dryers – then we can’t be friends. It’s nothing personal, it’s just that I can’t handle being around your stupidity for longer than absolutely necessary.

Today I was asked, “Is the 12:10 Ice Age a morning or an afternoon show?” Really??? Is that an honest question? Or is this a co-worker trying to be funny? 

For a moment I was sitting there stunned, “It’s an afternoon,” I answered.

“Okay thanks,” they said.

*click*

I still can’t believe I was asked that question in the first place. I wonder if it occurred to them that an afternoon show implies that the film starts after, wait for it, noon. In this case it was a whole ten minutes after noon. People are amazingly idiotic sometimes. If that person was the babysitter, they should probably be fired for not knowing how to read a clock. And if they were a parent, I’m sad that they produced offspring. Hopefully their child will be able to understand that the defining moment between morning and noon is when the clock chimes twelve times – or if your phone has a little PM near the time.