Of Bizarre Slang

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Everyone uses slang, that’s not a shocking declaration. Whether it be the slang of the overall population (such as groovy back in the day), or unique to a small social circle (like my former roommate who referred to awesome things as filthy). Slang is everywhere. Which is fine, I have no ill feelings towards the use of slang, as it does say something about our culture that we won’t fully realize till what’s commonly said changes. And yes, I’m excited look back on movies and records to see how we’ve evolved verbally. But I do have issues with myself, more specifically, when I notice what I’m always saying.

Do you ever find yourself saying a particular word or phrase all the time? And no matter how much you would like to stop saying those words, you frequently catch yourself repeating them over and over until you annoy you? I have. And I must say, little is more frustrating than annoying yourself. At least when someone else is dumb, or is failing to articulate themselves properly, I have the option of walking away. I can’t walk away from me, unless I want to get belligerently drunk and blackout for a night – which, I have zero desire to do.

My whole life at some point I’ve notice my own personal slang, but by the time it changes I can’t remember what the hell it was. You’d think I’d be gleeful that those words were gone, but alas it is equally as annoying to not remember what they were. If for nothing else, reminiscing purposes. It’s like when a songs stuck in your head and then you suddenly forgot what it was. Or when one lyric is playing on repeat and you don’t know what the rest of the words are.

So for that reason, I can’t inform you of The Slang of Sarah’s Past. But I can tell you what I’m saying now: gracious and aiight.

Could there be two more diverse words to frequent my vocabulary? “Gracious,” is something a ninety-year-old lady says to herself whilst simultaneously gasping when seeing a scandalous sight, such as two gays kissing or a girl showing her ankles. “Aiight,” is what wannabe gangsters say when they agree, or are down with something, but they’re too lazy to use real words. By generation alone those two words do not belong together. Yet, my tongue has brought them together in bizarre harmony, often at the same time, “Gracious, that was crazy. Aiight, let’s go!”

I don’t know what my future slang will be, but I promise, whatever my brain settles on will inevitably annoy me – just like it always has.

Notice your own slang yet?

Of Stupid People and Lovely Persons

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People suck. They come in mobs, they make poor decisions, and they are highly self-centered. Masses of people annoy me – that’s no secret. I don’t like dealing with obnoxious teenagers making out in the hall, whinny grandparents complaining about us young folk, bad parents that let their kids run wild screaming, gossipy individuals who slander those I love or loathe, politically obsessed people convinced that the world is going to hell, nosy coworkers, blah, blah, blah.

I especially hate when people slow me down – literally. I’m a naturally fast walker, I tend to weave around others as if they were puddles and I don’t want to get me feet wet. I’ve noticed that large masses of people tend to spread out and walk as slow as humanly possible. They seem to be completely unaware of their surroundings as I walk about a foot behind them giving my clear, “MOVE FASTER! I’m not afraid to tailgate you on foot,” signal. But no, they giggle and take their time. At the first chance I get I’ll pass them and resume my natural pace. Trust me, just saying, “excuse me” doesn’t always work.

Dane Cook has a joke about how you know you hate your job when you get mad at people for coming into your business. Now, I don’t hate my job, I love most of my co-workers some of us are even outside of work buddies. But if I’m working with a fun crew, I do hate when people come into my work. I enjoy getting paid to socialize and I don’t appreciate all these human beings coming in and ruining my fun with their gluttony, rudeness, and stupidity. Yes, when people come to the movies they tend to check their brain at the door and thus can’t understand the simplest notion. I hate dealing with stupid people, I hate dealing with the guy that always says I look disheveled or tired (he always wears a cowboy hat and you can see his nipples through his sweater, I never say anything), I hate dealing whinny people who blame me for the price of their high calorie snack – as if I can do something about it. And I hate when people treat me without any respect, especially when I know I’m smarter than them.

Persons, or individuals as they are more commonly called, I love them. I greatly enjoy socializing with person’s. Granted there are some that are more fun than others, but ultimately even the most annoying person is better than masses of families littered with small children. I even have a person’s list, it’s a semi-permanent list and consists of the most important people currently in my life, sans family. It rarely RARELY contains more than five person’s.

These are people that I love, that make me laugh, that don’t make me want to punch them. If I were in elementary school I would call them my best friend’s (of course back then you’re only allowed one best friend – silly). Even so, if these person’s were in the pile of people who slowed me down when I was trying to get from point A to point B, or came to my work and took FOREVER ordering when I had a backed up line – temporarily they would qualify as people and thus would irritate me for that moment in time.

As I said, people drive me crazy sometimes, but I always will love my person’s – you know who you are *winky face.*

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Of the Downside of Falling Asleep

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I absolutely loathe getting ready for bed, it seems like such a useless activity. All that effort just to what? Pass out and perhaps have a dream or two? It’s silly really.

I’ve always been envious of those who can just fall asleep after splashing water on their face (maybe using a bar of soap) and brushing their teeth. It’s simply not fair. I’ve got my mother’s skin, this means that I’ll be prone to acne for the rest of my life. Over time I’ve learned to control it (most of the time), and words cannot express how talented I am at doing my make-up. I may not do the fancy eyes thing but my foundation skills are top-notch.

I’m also cavity prone despite that I don’t eat an outrageous amount of sugar, brush, floss, and rinse with ACT mouthwash (as suggested by my dentist). This is also not fair. If I start to fall asleep before my nightly routine, or wake up around 2AM after an unplanned nap, I swear I can feel zits forming and cavities burrowing away at my molars. It’s a nasty feeling. Like little semi-dull needles trying to poke out of my face and The Seven Dwarfs hacking at my teeth searching for jewels.

Often I end up getting ready for bed between 2AM and 4AM – this is typically because of my avoidance of the process or pure exhaustion. Even when I’ve been overcome with fatigue all day. When I’m so tired I’m constantly grumbling and whining about how tired I am. When ALL I want is to go to sleep early. Somehow I look at the clock and it’s 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5AM. Then the thought of getting ready for bed is an increasingly dismal one, it’s about a 20 minute process that I never want to do. Sometimes I pass back out, wake up, then finally get ready for bed. Other times I force myself to get up and prepare for slumber.

I’m oh so proud of myself when I perform this hellish nightly routine before I reach the not-so-fun point of procrastinating sleep.

The point is, as much as I love to sleep, I hate getting ready for bed even more. Like, a lot.

Of My Thoughts on Select Slang

NUMBER ONE: “Nom-nom”

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This phrase crosses my ears daily, signifying that my friends are either hungry or what they are eating is fantastic. But buddies, I will never convert and start using this phrase, but I will continue to glare at you when the sound “nom-nom” is uttered from your lips, for you sound like a child. As an adult I recommend saying yum, delicious, I’m hungry, or that looks amazing.

NUMBER TWO: “Arrow to the knee.”

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“Everything was fine and dandy, till I took an arrow to the knee.”

“I used to be in love, till I took an arrow to the knee.”

“French fries were my favorite food, till I took an arrow to the knee.”

First of all – ow – that would really suck in literal context. But, what the hell does that mean? This arrow catchphrase, is one that I find exceptionally annoying, and it’s plaguing any and all online message boards. From what I gathered the arrow to the knee phrase stems from a video game, which might be why I don’t appreciate the reference – considering I’m not a gamer.

NUMBER THREE: “FTW”

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I’m not gonna lie, it took me a long time to figure out what this meant. FTW – for the win – is used when rooting someone on, and occasionally sarcastic. Normally it doesn’t make sense or is unnecessary, but I still see it used on at least one Facebook status a day.

“Going to go get yogurt FTW”

“Got an A on my test! FTW”

NUMBER FOUR: “Sick”

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This one’s not new, it’s been around for years.”Aw man, that’s sick!” Should mean that’s disgusting, not that’s awesome. I get taking back derogatory terms and reclaiming them making them a positive term such as queer or slut. But I don’t understand taking a term and flipping it’s meaning. My roommate has taken this one step further, she says, “that’s filthy.” When I first heard this I was confused, much like I was with “sick”, now that I know what she means. I still find it strange.

If sick is equal to crazy awesome. Say crazy awesome. Please.